The Old Coot sliced on a slant. Oops? Published in Owego NY on 4/29/2026

 The Old Coot pans the diagonal cut.

By Merlin lessler

I just finished a stressful computer glitch the other morning, I needed some comfort food. I decided on a slice of toast. I ran the bread through two cycles, to get it dark, but not quite charred. It reminds me of making toast over a fire in my camping days. It’s a tricky task to get it just right. I put it on a plate in front of me; buttered it and cut it in half. For some reason, unknown to me, I cut it on a slant. Something I rarely do.

I usually cut things in two, on a line that is parallel to the sides. It’s one of those things you do without thinking, like putting on shoes and socks. You usually do the same foot first, slip on the sock and then either the shoe or the other sock. Some people slip on both socks first, then their shoes. It’s the same sort of thing with pants and shirts: right leg first, right arm first or the opposite. Whatever, you usually do the same thing every time when you get dressed. When you do think about it, you get confused.

So, there I was with a piece of toast that I’d purposefully cut on a slant. Some people always do a slant cut, some always do a straight cut, converting a square into two rectangles. Other people don’t cut toast or sandwiches at all. They eat them intact. I don’t know what to say about people who cut off the crust; that’s the best part.

When I was a soda jerk in high school at Soldo’s Rexall Drug Store I learned the quarter cut. That’s how we made a BLT. We cut the finished product on a slant, twice, stuck a toothpick into each quarter and set them on a plate with potato chips in the center. To me, it was a work of art. Every once in a while, I do that myself every once in a while on a trip down memory lane to my high school days.

But, back to that slant-cut piece of toast. It’s not a good way to cut when you want to dunk the toast into a cup of hot chocolate. It won’t fit properly; just the tip. That’s all I’ve got. I just talked myself into two more slices of toast and a cup of hot chocolate. No slant cut this time. Why not, I’m a skinny guy, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t gain weight. I’m not complaining, or bragging, just stating a fact. I can’t hop, skip or jump either. That’s the stuff that happens when you’re an old coot.

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