The Old Coot is fit to be
“tied.”
By Merlin Lessler
If you’ve been in the
hospital lately for a procedure or in a doctor’s office for an examination, you
might have fumbled getting into a hospital gown. The nurse hands you one, and
as she walks out the door says, “It ties in the back.” Not for me! Not anymore!
I can’t tie behind my
back. Most men can’t. I stopped trying several years ago. Now I put it on so it
ties in the front. My inability to tie things in the back came to light when I
was in kindergarten and it was time to finger paint. We had to put on a smock
that tied in the back. The girls could do it! Most of the boys went untied,
unless the teacher felt inclined to help them. It’s just one of the things that
separated the girls from the boys, this back tying form of dyslexia that boys
have. Probably a sexist statement but I’m sticking to it.
Boys and girls (men and
women) are different. It starts right off in kindergarten; girls are way ahead
of boys in maturity, dexterity and sharing. And, can handle a life time of
tying, fastening and buttoning behind the back. If men’s shirts
buttoned up the back like women’s dresses do, we’d go around wearing pullovers.
And, to tie a tie behind our back, like women fasten necklaces, we’d go around tieless.
The only thing old coots
like me can do behind our back, is to clasp our hands together when we
impatiently pace back and forth in a line, waiting to be served. Especially at
the DMV, renewing our driver’s license, hoping not to hear the clerk say, “Are
you really still driving a car?”
It is said that real men
wear pink. Well, it’s also true that real men wear aprons. Us old coots wear
ones with long strings, so they can be looped around and tied in front. Just
Google Amazon if you want one, they have plenty. Yes, I stumble through life
with a “can’t tie behind my back” deficiency, but at least I don’t get fooled
by the medical community anymore. I tie in front, like nature intended, no
matter what the nurse says when she hands me a gown. What do you do?
Comments? Send to
mlessler7@gmail.com
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