The old coot is multi-aged, Tioga NY Courier Article 4/7/21

 

The Old Coot is years old.

By Merlin Lessler

 There is a lot of chatter in the media about chronological age and biological age. We all know our chronological age, how old we are. Us old coots are never sure, but most normal people can answer the “How old are you” question without doing the math. Let’s see, I was born in November 1942; I must be 78 1/2. Can that be right? Oh well.

 But that isn’t good enough for our self-possessed society. We want to hedge our bet. “Sure, I’m fifty three,” someone will say. “But my biological age is much less. It’s thirty-seven, because I exercise, eat right, don’t smoke and get eight hours of sleep. Want to know your biological age? You can find out what it is for a mere $399. The Tru-Age Company will calculate it for you. Just send them a few drops of your blood, along with the check of course, and their scientists will analyze it and send you a report.  

 I bet only people who expect a flattering answer will fork over the cash. The rest of us don’t want to know, or in my case, are too cheap to be suckered in by the promotion. I’m having a hard enough time accepting the number of years on my age speedometer. Why be assigned a depressing biological age from the Tru-Age company.

 Old coots have a better, and more accurate system. It’s called the body-part, age analysis. It’s a multi-age system you can do yourself. When someone asks one of us how old we are, they are in for a long answer. “Let’s see. My right knee is 112 (arthritis + a ping pong game injury), my left knee is three years old (replaced in 2018); my eyes are seven (Cataracts removed and new lenses installed in 2014). My bladder is multi aged; It’s either 115 or like that of a 1 month old infant. The rug on the floor between our bedroom and the bathroom is worn thin. It’s also why I never get a good night’s sleep, something that adds years to my biological age score.

 My advice:  never ask an old guy how old he is. If you do, you’re in for a long complicated response that will cause you considerable stress and send your biological age racing past your calendar age.

 Comments, Complaints? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com