The Old Coot shuns introductory offers.
By Merlin Lessler
I’m looking at an ad that came in the mail today – an introductory offer – for home delivery of
the Sunday New York Times. It sounded good, at first glance: 75% off the
regular price for 12 weeks + “free” digital access * (the asterisk was
explained in microscopic print at the bottom of the page). Neither the
introductory price, nor the “regular” price was mentioned. Time Warner has
these introductory offers, as do the TV satellite companies and just about any
businesses that offers a subscription service. You sign up for an introductory
price; the grace period ends and they jack up the rate. And, jack it up again.
And, keep jacking it up until you threaten to quit.
I've learned my lesson. Now I say, “No thanks,” to all of
them. When I had a New York Times subscription a few years back, it took a
forty-five minute phone call to cancel it. I had to fend off a barrage of
secret “stay-with-us” offers. Finally, the rep acquiesced and agreed to cancel
my subscription as of September 30th. But, it was July; September
was two months in the future. It took another 10 minutes of listening to the
complexity of canceling a subscription before he finally gave in and stopped
the billing process as of the end of the week.
All introductory offers are like that. A trick! But it’s not
just businesses that employ this tactic. We all do it. ‘Hi, nice to meet you,”
we say to someone new. And, then proceed to trot out our “introductory” self:
polite, thoughtful, considerate, agreeable, nurturing. Oh what a show. What a
different product when they get to know us, when the introductory period comes
to an end.
No place do we do this more so than in the dating world. The
most WONDERFUL people are out there playing the “newly-dating game.” She talks;
he listens. Oh what a clever introductory offers. He says - I’d love to go
to the opera with you. - Can’t wait to put on a tuxedo for New Year’s
Eve. She says - Nothing I like better than camping. - Can’t wait
for football season to start. Then comes the ring, the wedding, the
honeymoon, and in fifty percent of the marriages, the divorce. Often handled
using an introductory offer from the law firm
- Half off your first one
(or some such thing).
Old coots are even worse. “We can put that nice,
grandfatherly, old guy persona out there for an introductory period. Then, all
of sudden, switch to the old grouch _ The kids today don’t ……. - Back in my day you could get a hamburger
for……. – They don’t make things like they used to…….. The fine print
in an old coot introductory offer is so tiny, you need a microscope to read it.
Some of us complain to just our families and close friends. Some of us complain
to everyone we see. Some of us write newspaper columns. Beware of an introductory
offer. It could be hiding an old coot!
Comments. Complaints. - mlessler7@gmail.com
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