September 23, 2015 Article

The Old Coot knows when to take off his hat.

By Merlin Lessler

“Take off that hat!” The first time I yelled it, I was watching a professional golf tournament on TV. Another tournament, and yet another winner, walking over to receive his trophy and a check for a million dollars or more after sinking his winning putt on the eighteenth hole with a bright white forehead sparkling in the dwindling sunlight, in stark contrast to the rest of his face, which was well tanned from the eyebrow line down.  I yelled at the TV, like old coots routinely do, “Take off that hat!” At least once in a while, as you’re strolling down the fairways, to tan up that forehead and avoid looking like a half-moon cookie.”

It wasn’t just inappropriate use of hats on the golf course that caught my attention; I began noticing them on guy’s heads in church, one or two at first and then more and more. “Take off that hat!” There they were in restaurants, movie theaters, business offices. Everyplace that admitted men. And oddest of all, hats with sunglasses parked above the brim. At first, I thought all these hats might be a “bald” cover up, but now that bald and shaved heads are in fashion, I realized it’s a hat thing, not a bald thing. 

Lois Bingley came up to me at a Rotary picnic and suggested I write an article about the rudeness of men wearing baseball caps in restaurants. “And, don’t use my name like you did in the article about old guys swinging wide when they drive around a corner.” I looked over at her husband, Al, in the process of climbing into a picnic table while at the same time removing his hat. Quite a feat for a guy of my vintage. If he can do it, why can’t young, non-bald guys do it when the waiter pulls out their chair to seat them at a table in a restaurant?

I checked with Emily Post, to make sure my hat rant wasn’t just some old coot thing. I’m on safe ground (for a change). Emily goes even further. She says, “Take off that hat!” - when in someone’s home, at the dinner table, in restaurants and coffee shops, while being introduced to someone, in public buildings and private offices, at the movies or any indoor performance, when the national anthem is played and when the US flag passes in a parade.

I take my hat off to Emily! Now, I hope the rest of you take yours off like she said.