June 24, 2015 Article

The Old Coot is afraid of doors.

By Merlin Lessler

I have a door problem. A double door problem, to be specific. The entrances where you go through a door into a vestibule, and then through a second door. The physical doors aren’t the problem; it’s the question of manners. You approach the first door and a guy in front of you holds it open. A good thing! But, it kicks off an awkward social situation. Should you say, “Thank you,” and follow him to the second door where the scenario is repeated and say, “Thank you,” again? Or, should you make light of it at the second door and say, “Ditto,” or should you let your first thank you carry through the second door? 

If you save your thank you until you’re through the second door it causes a problem when someone coming out holds it open and you thank him or her. The guy in front of you takes it personal. (“You thanked the guy coming out, but not me. Grrr!”)  The safe route is to thank everybody in sight, even the guy who shoves past and crowds ahead of you in line. To him, I say, “Thank you,” out loud, but to myself I say, “Jerk!” 

It’s gotten to the point where I’m obsessed with the whole scenario. Not quite so bad that I loiter outside until it’s clear sailing through both doors, but almost. And, I often hang around inside, especially in coffee shops, to see what other people do. About fifty percent say, Thank you,” at the first door, and again at the second door. Thirty percent say it on the first door and make a slight physical gesture on the second, a nod, a wink or a thumbs up. The rest, I’m sorry to report, don’t say a thing. Let’s be frank here; they are just plain rude. As are the people who don’t give you a “thank-you” wave after you let them in front of you in their car. When they are rude at double doors, I say, “You’re welcome.” Sometimes it gets me, “Oh, I’m sorry. Thank you.” When they are rude in a car, I never do anything. There are just too many road-rage people out there; you can get shot.

I’m not sure what the solution is for the double door, manners problem. Super markets and big box stores have solved it for their customers by installing mechanical door openers. Good manners aren’t required. Other businesses have stuck with a single door, in spite of the cold draft that sweeps in when it’s opened on a bitter cold day. The rest have installed a double set of doors, creating a “manners” challenge for society. Maybe we need the first lady to start a campaign, like Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No,” program. This time we need a, “Just Say Thank You,” program.