March 26, 2014 Article

The Old Coot bides his time.
By Merlin Lessler

Once upon a time (sounds like the start of a fairy tale, but it isn't) people twiddled their thumbs, when they were anxious or bored. Whoops! I just lost every reader born after 1960. Twiddle your thumbs? What is that? It’s this: interlock the fingers of your left hand with the fingers of your right hand and rotate your thumbs so they continuously circle each other. Try it for a minute or so and see if it doesn’t ease your tension, or boredom. Somehow this simple maneuver calms the psyche. It’s as effective as meditation, yoga, square breathing or other mood alternating techniques. And, certainly is better for you than pharmaceuticals.

Back in “the day,” it wasn’t unusual to see an old guy sitting outside a store on a bench twiddling his thumbs, to pass the time in a manner that prevented working himself into an agitated state (back when store owners were smart enough to place a bench outside for shopping challenged husbands). It was a mindless thing, but it helped pass the time.

Whittling was another time killing technique, back when all males over the age of seven carried a jackknife in their pocket. All you needed was a hunk of wood and a place to sit (back to the benches that are missing in today’s society). Try it sometime. Slice off strips of wood with a sharp knife. It’s very settling. Most whittlers just hack away until nothing is left but a pile of shavings, but some find they have a real talent and end up whittling things of artistic merit: ducks, birds, squirrels, people.

Women didn’t whittle or twiddle their thumbs in that sexist era, but they had an even better technique to pass time and stay mellow. Knitting (and crocheting). Which is just a more complicated and productive form of twiddling. Knitters can board a plane and knit their way across the country, serene & calm, enjoying the thrill of flying, while the rest of the passengers fret away their time, unsatisfied with the electronic, mindless time wasters of today’s society. The knitting is put aside upon landing and the knitter exits the plane, fresh and rested. Everyone else deplanes tired, rumpled and tense.

Knitters, whittlers, thumb twiddlers. These are the calm people we need running the world, not the hyped up, extroverts rushing to the podium, turning their heads so their best side is facing the TV camera. Give it a try: twiddle your thumbs and feel the tension evaporate. It’s a free App that came with your original equipment.