January 23, 2013 article

The Old Coot can’t get the hang of it!

By Merlin Lessler

I’ve got a problem. A coat hanger problem. I went to a luncheon at a nearby hotel the other afternoon. It was a cold, blustery day so I was wearing a jacket. I walked over to the coat rack in the hall, slipped out of my jacket and reached for a hanger. I couldn’t get it. It was firmly attached to the rod on the coat rack. It had a metal top, shaped like a tee that fit into a small slot on a movable ring that slid along the bar. When I jiggled it, to free it from its partner on the bar, it refused to oblige. I put my coat back on so I could deal with the monstrosity with two hands, one on the elusive metal slip ring, one on the hanger.

After a few twists and tugs, and some muttered old coot exclamations I got the hanger to come out. I held it between my knees while I removed my jacket, then slipped my coat onto the hanger and tried to insert the tee back into the slot. Not so easy to do on a coat rack that is overloaded with winter outerwear. I got it in, sort of, and went into the dining room. When I came out an hour later, my coat was on the floor.

It’s time for a change. We need to reassert our right to a full coat hanger! It’s guaranteed by the constitution, the 2^nd amendment, to be specific. “The right to bare arms.”  (though James Madison incorrectly spelled bare, as bear, when he transcribed his notes). We can’t exercise that right if we can’t take off our coats and hang them up. Two-part coat hangers have to go. It’s time for us to demand our rights.

We don’t need to stage a protest at the courthouse or start petitions or send letters to our congressmen. All we have to do is pick our coat up off the floor, take the t-top hanger to the front desk or hand it to the maitre d' and say, “Here. I couldn’t get this back on the rack!” Smile, and leave. Eventually they will get the message. You can also do what I’m doing, carry a plastic (user friendly) coat hanger with you. I wear mine; I leave it in the coat when I put it on. Sure, it sometimes scratches the back of my head and my neck, but it’s worth it. At least my coat doesn’t end up on the floor.