The Old Coot says his world is thinning out. By Merlin Lessler
My world is getting thinner and thinner. Paper bags are so
thin they can’t hold groceries. They bust apart. The clerk tells you to hold
the bag under the bottom. That’s good advice, but how do you do that with two or
three bags. Some bags have handles, making you think they are stronger,
but they tear right off if you put more
than a loaf of bread and a bag of potato chips inside. Forget that bag of
sugar. It’s not just bags, all paper. products are thin and weak. Cardboard boxes
for example. There is no “board” in the cardboard. They bust apart just as
easily as the paper bags There is one good thing about them; they are easy to
tear apart to fit into a recycle bin.
It seems everything
is thinner: toilet paper, paper towels and napkins so thin you can see through
them. Shirt material is thinner. And, what happened to 100% cotton? Most denim in
jeans is thin too, made with stretch synthetic junk. They used to stand up
without you in them. Not anymore! Water bottles are so thin they crunch up when
you grasp them to take off the top. A top that is so slim, you can barely grip
it. When it breaks free, you are rewarded with a geyser. Even my skin is
thinner. But I can only blame that on Father Time.
Our entire population has become thin-skinned too, getting
mad at each other when on opposite sides of an issue. Band aids are thinner. So
thin, they ball up before you can get them in place. And, what happened to that
little red thread you pulled to get the band aid out of its envelope. I can
just imagine some corporate scrooge getting a bonus because of how much money
it saved.
How about skinny pants & slim pants. Less material,
more profits. The slim ones aren’t too bad looking, but put a man in a suit
with skinny pants and he looks like he’s wearing balled up leotards. There are many
things that are thin, everything but our waistlines!
