The
Old Coot is safely in his rocking chair.
By
Merlin Lessler
In
2008, I surveyed the public swings in our area. To see if there might be a good
place for an old coot to enjoy the thrill of flying through the air. I found a
good prospect behind the elementary school. Four swings hung from a high center
bar, promising a long glide path. I hopped on, pumped hard to achieve maximum
distance from the ground, then laid back to face the sky and let the swing work
its magic. It wasn’t as nice as I expected; the wooden flat seat I grew up with
had been replaced with a wide rubber strap that squished my hips together, so
much so, I aborted the mission after only a few minutes. It was like being in a
vice.
I
checked all the parks and found one with a wooden seat, in Hickories Park by
the river, next to a pavilion. I’m sure the picknicking family had a good laugh
at the old coot swinging and leaning back to face the sky, flying through the
air. When I got home, I conjured up a wooden seat that would fit over the rubber
strap and went back to the elementary school where I could enjoy myself without
hearing a chorus of chuckles.
We
moved in May and in the process, I stumbled on that wooden seat adaptor, hidden
under my workbench in the garage. I decided to update my swing set invention,
in hopes of finding a place to “fly through the air.” The results were
discouraging.
There
are no swings at all, in Hickories Park. And, the swings everywhere else are “height
challenged,” with a mere eight feet from the top bar to the ground. The swings
by the Little League Park are the only exception, twelve feet high. All are equipped
with that miserable, hip pinching rubber strap.
Swings
are the victim of an overprotective and litigious society. Dangerous! Too high!
The wooden seats were outlawed to protect a kid who wander into their path, something
most of us in my generation did, at least once. Today’s playgrounds are safe,
but no fun for an old guy who would like to swing. Seesaws (teeter-totters) are
gone too. Even the ground has been deemed a danger, replaced with a surface of
wood or rubber chips. I guess I’ll have to settle for a ride on a rocking chair
on my porch.
Complaints?
Sent to mlessler7@gmail.com
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