The Party Process - by the old coot 08-03-2022

 The Old Coot knows how to party’

By Merlin Lessler

 You’re invited to a party! Great!  It’s time to start the “Party Problem Process. The first step is to answer the question, “Do we want to go, yes or no?” If no, what will be your excuse? If yes, then on to step two - What time should we get there? That’s a complicated one, an internal conflict for old coots who were brought up to be on time. So much so, we usually get to things early.  

 But the Party Problem Process is different. Today’s norm is to come a little late. Never early or never on time. If you do, you might discover the host or hostess is still in the shower. The issue becomes something different. If you get there on time (15 minutes late) you get first dibs on seating, food and drink. There won’t be a crowded grazing table or a slow beverage line. A good plan? Maybe that’s the way to go. Or is it?

 Coming late has advantages. Getting there at 3:30 for a 2:00 to 4:00 affair. You get to pick who you sit next to, not get stuck next to a blabbermouth, or a bore. And, especially not with Mr. never-says-anything, making you so uncomfortable you become a blabbermouth. Coming late has risks. You might miss the shrimp bowl, the stuffed mushrooms, the good wine. But on the plus side, you gain the opportunity to help the host clean up and get a chance to take home a mountain of leftovers.

 “Please take some of this food; we have absolutely no room to store it!” That’s music to our ears! “Are you sure?” we ask, hoping to get the right answer. “Yes, We’re sure. We’d be so grateful if you would.” “OK,” you reply, running to your car to get the shopping bag full of empty food containers you brought with you. When you come late, come prepared. LOL

 The last challenge in the Party Problem Process, is figuring out how to dress. In today’s society, the range of options is very wide. In the old days, the good old days, it was simple. Picnic = dress down. Afternoon affair = business casual (if that is even a valid term anymore). Evening event = dress like you’re going to church (another term from the dark ages). It’s not easy, this Party Problem Process. But, if you do it right, you’re guaranteed to have a good time. And maybe, asked back again!

 Comments, good or bad? - Send to mlessler7@gmail.com