The Old Coot is corrected.
By Merlin Lessler
My friend John was in the
hospital having a “procedure.” A
procedure is the same thing as an operation except they don’t knock you out as
much. A procedure hurts, sometimes it hurts a lot, but when the doctor mentions
the word procedure you think, “No big deal.” You’re wrong. It’s gunna feel
awful.
Anyhow, John was in the
hospital, and hurting. I texted to see how he was doing and signed off with,
“If you need anything, just ask me.”
That’s what I typed into the phone, but it changed the last part to,
“Just FAST me.” Re replied, commenting
on my error, but his phone changed FAST to FAAT. It made both of us look
stupid, illiterate. I can’t afford any additional evidence of my senility. I provide
enough of it on my own without having Auto-correct add to it.
It not only changes word and
hurts my image, but it also slows down my texting speed when I notice an auto-correct
misstep and scroll back to fix it, losing my train of thought and forgetting the
astute point I was about to make. I’ve changed auto-correct to spell-correct
several times, but somehow it reinstalls itself and keeps me looking stupid.
I’ve even changed keyboards, but they too betray me and slip into an auto-correct
mode without me knowing.
Sometimes I want to say
“Ain’t” to make a point. It tries to make me look good, for a change, and
replaces ain’t with isn’t. I go back to ain’t, but it fixes it again. It’s an arm
wrestling match to get it to do what I want. From now on if one of my articles
doesn’t make any sense you’ll know it’s not my fault, auto-correct did it!
That’s my story and I’m sticking TWO it.
PPs, John did finally get
back to answering my offer to just ask, if he needed anything. He said, “Paint
my house! You said anything.” From now on I’m going to call, not text.
Comments? Complaints? Send
to mlessler7@gmail.com
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