His
car hates the Old Coot
By
Merlin Lessler
I
rant about today’s cars as often as I do about the weather zealots on TV. This
is my eighth car rant in the last five years. Meteorologists make us afraid of weather;
auto makers make us afraid of our cars. They give us stuff we didn’t ask for
and don’t want - like keys that cost hundreds of dollars to replace - annoying
tire pressure alarms - unnecessary “check engine” alerts. I ignore those annoying icons by covering them
with black electrical tape. I’m also irked because they took away things I
loved - chrome plated steel bumpers, hood ornaments that looked cool and made
it easier to keep a car in the lane, and tailgate windows that opened. You could
slide a kayak or pile of 2 X 4’s in the car and let them stick out the back window.
Today’s tailgate windows don’t let you do that; you have to leave the hatch
open, flapping in the breeze.
I’m
through complaining about those issues; my complaint today is about the smart
screen that’s replaced the knobs and levers you could operate without taking your
eyes off the road. If I want to change the station on the radio, I can’t reach
over and feel for a knob to do it; I have to look at a smart screen, find the
up or down arrow, and tap. The same thing is true with the heater controls.
The
operation of smart screens is complicated. You can’t jump into a strange car
and drive away. You need a prep course. I’ve leafed through my manual so often
it’s falling apart. And, I’m more of a distracted driver than I ever was. Even
the headlight switch, which I could operate blindfolded, now forces me to look
at it since it has three or four options, indicated by icons I don’t quite
understand. I’m icon challenged. Back in the days of automobile sanity, I reached
to my left, pulled the knob halfway out for parking lights and all the way out
for head lights. I also could dim the lights by stepping on a button with my
left foot. Nice and simple!
The
smart screen has taken over. The days when you could control things without taking
your eyes off the road are gone. Operating a cell phone while driving is
illegal, yet the car’s smart screen, which is more distracting, isn’t. It
really gets me when I’m driving along, munching on a Big Mac, holding a
milkshake between my knees, working on a crossword puzzle and need to adjust
the heater. I have to focus my attention on the smart screen and usually tip
over my milk shake. If I get into an accident and get ticketed for distracted
driving, I’ll plead, “Not guilty; the car made me do it!”
Comments?
– Complaints? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com
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