The Old Coot found a
peanut.
By Merlin Lessler
I was sitting in my
recliner chair working on a crossword puzzle when I noticed a peanut lying on
my chest. I reached down to grab it, to eat it, and discovered it wasn’t a
peanut; it was the button on my shirt. Such is life for an old coot – to expect
scraps of food on your shirt, that blend in with the coffee, mustard and
ketchup stains. It makes me wish that tie-dye shirts of the Hippie Era I grew
up in, were back in style. Those were the good old days. When, no matter what
you dopped on your shirt, it blended in.
If you want to see a
happy, well adjusted old coot, look for a guy wearing a tie-dye shirt – slip on
shoes, no socks and cargo shorts. Sometimes
with the shirt on backwards; sometimes with shoes that don’t match.
The Tie-dye shirts,
because of the aforementioned food dribble problem. Shorts, because they are
much easier to get into than long pants. Cargo shorts in particular, because of
their plethora of pockets (boy, I love that word), so we can carry all the junk
that just might be needed: jack knife, wallet, cell phone, band-aid, map,
tissue, pen, paper, yo-yo, tums, medical insurance cards, a length of string
and the like. We’re not Boy Scouts, but we are prepared!
Socks, we’ve discovered
aren’t necessary and not wearing them makes us look sort of hip – like the
sockless, yuppie young adults who mock us. Slip-on shoes need no explanation
other than they prevent a head rush when we bend down and stop us from taking a
tumble in the process.
I got into all this
because I thought a peanut resting on my chest was a button. Now, I have to
conclude and get into the kitchen and hope there is a can of peanuts in the
cupboard. For some reason I’ve developed a sudden craving.
Complaints? Comments? Send
to – mlessler7@gmail.com
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