The
Old Coot visits a foreign land.
By
Merlin Lessler
I
discovered a foreign country with strange customs the other day. It was introduced to me via a housewife’s
guide that offered tips to new wives on how to treat their husbands. I’ll begin
with the first two tips; it will get you started on an exploration of this
foreign land. #1 Have dinner ready when he comes home from work. Plan ahead,
even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready and on time. This lets
him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. #2
– Take fifteen minutes to rest, so you’ll be refreshed looking; be a little
gay. His workday has been long and boring, and he needs a lift; one of your
duties is to provide it!
I
bet I have your attention now. Where is this foreign land? It’s mainstream
America, circa 1955. That’s when this advice was written and included in many
of the cookbooks that new wives received at a bridal shower, along with the
tools of the trade: steam irons, rolling pins, aprons, brooms, dust pans, mixers,
ironing boards and the like. But that just scratches the surface. How about
this tip – Prepare the children (for his arrival). Wash their hands and
faces, neaten up their clothes. They are his little treasures and he would like
to see them play the part. Minimize all noise of the washer, dryer and vacuum,
and keep the children quiet. (I guess not a treasure when they act up a
little.)
Oh
yes, this is a strange land, with strange customs. It’s no wonder the women’s movement
struck such a chord in the early sixties. But still, it’s hard to fathom how it
got off the ground, when you consider Tip #10. – When he arrives home, shut
your yap! (I paraphrased that last part) Even if you have a dozen important
things to tell him. Let him talk first – Remember, his topics of conversation
are more important that yours.
But,
that is nothing compared to Tip #11 – Never complain if he comes home late
or goes out to dinner or places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to
understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at
home and relax (when he gets there). (Strain? If he spent one day with the
kids and the challenge of running a house his head would explode).
How
about # 14? – Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even stays out all
night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
(I thought this one might have been a joke. But it wasn’t. It was dead
serious.) Which is easy to understand when you consider the follow-up tip – Don’t
ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement of integrity.
Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his
will with fairness and truthfulness. You
have no right to question him. A good wife knows her place!
Women - if you are steaming at this point and
want to wring my neck, remember, I didn’t create or endorse this advice. I’m
just the messenger, making a connection between America today and America of 70
years ago. And you men - who are engaged to be married, no, I won’t provide the
full list of housewife tips to you so you can slip them into your wedding vows.
It wouldn’t do you any good. You’d never get an, “I do,” all you’d get is an,
“I won’t!” And maybe a slap up side the head.
Send
comments, complaints to – mlessler7@gmail.com
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