December 18, 2019 Article - Liars take more time than promised

The Old Coot doesn’t have a minute.

By Merlin Lessler

“I’ll just keep you a minute.” – “Got a sec?” – “Stop me if I already told you this.” The doctor will be right with you.”

All lies! But, if you asked the speakers of those statements if they ever lied, they’d all say, “NO!” Most people don’t think of themselves as liars. But they are! I am. We all are!

One of the biggest lies I’ve ever heard, excluding promises from politicians, is the one an airline pilot puts out there over the public address system, “We’re waiting for a space to dock; it will be about ten minutes, or so.” The “ten minutes” is a lie! So is the “or so”. I’ve learned over the years that an airline pilot’s ten minutes is at least 30, often longer, destroying the credibility of the “or so” as well. How about the one you’re told when the nurse puts you in the “little room” and turns as she closes the door and says, “The doctor will be right with you.” Or, the waiter who says, “Ill be right back with your check.” Or the call center recording that states, “Thanks for holding; we’ll be right with you. Your call is important to us.” The dentist drilling on your tooth who says, “Hang on; I’m almost done.” The medical procedure you’re undergoing, “This will sting a little.”

All lies, and from people swearing they never lie. They call it a white lie or bending the truth. Bend covers a lot of ground. So do fibs, stretching the truth and other phrases employed to convince ourselves, and others, that we’re not liars.

But, lying is not the thing that gets me cranky, it’s two specific lies; “I’ll just keep you a minute,” and, “Stop me if I’ve told you this before.” In both of those cases (even when you respond to the “stop me,” by telling them they already did tell you)  you are in for it, a long, boring recollection that is so detailed you get lost in the telling. It’s even worse when a married couple relates an incident. Not only do you get more detail than you can absorb, they operate like a tag team in a wrestling match, taking turns keeping the dialog going, bombarding you with facts and having side arguments between themselves about what those facts are. I go into a trance and wish they would type up the narrative so they could hand it to me with all their disagreements resolved. Then, I could skim through it at my leisure. I’ve got one last point to make in this rant, “Stay with me; it will just take a minute!”  (To be continued?)