The
Old Coot is glued to his car seat.
By
Merlin Lessler
Ask
an old guy what he thinks of self-driving cars. Almost always, you’ll get a
negative reply. Full of emotion. “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard of.
It won’t work. Who wants a computer chip controlling their car? No one will buy
them!” On and on he’ll rant.
Then
ask his wife. A wife who has been sitting in the passenger seat while he has
controlled the steering wheel and brake pedal, for years. Just for kicks, you
might take a look at the floorboard under her feet in the passenger
compartment. You are likely to see a big bulge in the metal where she has
slammed down her foot every time she thought he wasn’t reacting fast enough to
brake lights coming on ahead of them on the highway or because of his last
minute reaction to traffic light. The bigger the bulge, the more she is ready
for a self-driving car.
She
will tell you she can’t wait for them, no matter what issues they have, “It’s
got to be better than sitting next to an old coot who insists his driving
skills are of the highest caliber.” It’s not all his fault, this business of a
passenger slamming on an invisible brake. Most of us have a similar reaction when
we’re riding with someone who drives differently than we do: they follow closer
to the car in front of them, they pull back into the driving lane after passing
too soon. Those sorts of things.
But
an old guys wife is different. She’s suffered with the issue for years, has
never gotten used to his driving eccentricities, which have become more erratic
over time. The real issue with self-driving cars, to us old guys, is the loss
of freedom they will impose on us. We’re also afraid that hackers will get into
the brain of a self-driving car, hackers our wives could hire to keep us from
pulling into the lodge parking lot, the cupcake shop or the diner where we stop
for our third cup of coffee of the day. We’d be happy to have the car drive us
where we want to go, ON OCCASION! But, our fear of losing control dominates our
anti-self-driving car paranoia.
Our
fathers felt the same way, when “automatic” transmissions swooped in during the
1950’s, followed by a parade of driving enhancements: power steering, power
brakes, beeping seat belt alarms, ABS brake systems. It’s been a stream of
mechanical devices inching toward the ultimate goal of taking the steering
wheel out of our control. We all feel the same way about that, us old guys,
you’ll have to pry it out of our cold dead hands!
Comments?
Complaints? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com
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