The
Old Coot is afraid of his chair.
By
Merlin Lessler
The
U.S Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) collects statistics on injuries
and deaths caused by consumer products. A dry, humorless collection of data, at
first blush. But when you really examine the numbers, they are quite thought
provoking. Astounding, is more like it.
I’m
looking at the data for senior citizens (65 and older) because that’s the team
I’m on, like it or not. We are a stumbling bunch and some of our stumbles take
us to the emergency room. We’re beyond the “Go walk it off” stage. Or, as my
mother dealt with my injury complaints when I was a kid (as did most mothers
back then), “Here’s a popsicle; go out and sit in the back yard and you’ll be
fine.” If I didn’t have a bone sticking through my skin; I wasn’t really hurt. (I
only had one trip to the ER as a kid, and that was because a pitchfork got
stuck in my foot.)
CPSC
numbers, from the most recent report I could find, show that seniors had over two
million ER visits that year caused by consumer products. The rate for us old
folks is 5 injuries per 100 compared to 3 per 100 for the 24 to 64-year-old
group. OK, we’re more accident prone, and at a rate nearly twice that of
younger people. No one knows this better than we do, but what surprises me, are
some of the consumer products that send us to the ER. Blankets, for example. Blankets
caused 4,700 ER visits. I can only guess how a blanket caused a trip to the
hospital. Maybe, if you get tangled up and throw your shoulder out of joint as
you struggle to get free? Or, if you get a leg cramp and smash your toe into
the footboard trying to kick it out? Anyhow, it does happen, and nearly 5,000 times
a year.
The
products that cause most of the injuries are more understandable: 785,600 ER
visits due to stairs, ramps, landings and floors, 128,200 due to bathroom
structures and fixtures, and 44,300 from old coots like me, climbing on ladders
or stools. There is no data to cover one of my ladder mishaps. I climbed onto
the roof and accidentally kicked the ladder over, stranding myself until a good
Samaritan (Damen Tinkham) came by and set the ladder back up.
We
are a clumsy bunch, us old coots (and cootessas); we’re so clumsy that 6,200 of
us had to go to an ER after using sound recording equipment! 11, 000 visits as
the result of a golfing mishap. We keep the ERs in business. I think we should
get a senior discount.
I’ve
got to stop my examination of this consumer data. If I get any further into it,
I won’t dare to get out of my chair. Which, I notice, isn’t as safe a place as
I might have thought since chairs, sofas and sofa-beds caused 46,800 (ER) injuries.
Even if I get out of my chair without an accident, I still have to navigate across
the room to type this handwritten mess of scribbles into my computer. A
dangerous journey across a throw rug. Dangerous, because rugs and carpets cause
64,200 injuries a year, according to the CPSC. I’ll have to risk it, but it’s a
jungle out there.
Comments?
Complaints? Mlessler7@gmail.com
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