The Old Coot checklist.
By Merlin Lessler
One thing about being an old coot, is you do a lot of
writing. Notes on the refrigerator: “Get milk!” – “Don’t forget garbage
tonight!” – “Today is Friday!” Those sorts of things. That’s just the tip of
the iceberg. The big list is the “check-list” we go through before leaving the
house.
It’s more extensive than the ones airline pilots use before
taking off. Mine is too large to fit on the refrigerator. It’s fastened to the
wall next to the backdoor.
- Is you
shirt buttoned correctly? The buttons in the correct holes?
- Is
your sweater on backwards?
- Put a
rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you start to go off on a
diatribe about the good old days!
- When
you walk down the sidewalk, remember to try to walk in a straight line,
not your normal serpentine route! CONCENTRATE!
- When
you see your reflection in a mirror or a store window, don’t gasp any
scream, “Who is that guy!”
- If you
hear yourself saying, “I used to…” snap the rubber band on your wrist and
stop yourself. (I’d tie a string on my finger as a reminder like I did
when I was a kid in the 50’s, but I can no longer tie a knot using one
hand and my teeth.)
- Slap
your face every time you hear yourself say, “Ouch!’ or “Oops!” out loud.
- Listen
for the sound of the turn signal when you drive on the highway so you
won’t travel in the passing lane for hours with it blinking. It gives your
generation a bad name.
- Can’t
remember nine.
- Take
the memory pill.
- (On and on it goes, too much to list
here.)
The problem is, I forget to go through the list most days. I
guess I need to stick a reminder on the fridge, as soon as a blank space opens
up.
Comments? Complaints? E-mail to – mlessler7@gmail, or Text to – 607-972-6102
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