August 16, 2017 Article

The old coot can’t can wait.

By Merlin Lessler

It starts when you’re four years old. “I can’t wait until I’m five and can get on the bus with the big kids and go to real school.” It keeps going: can’t wait until I’m double numbers (10 years-old) – can’t wait until I’m sixteen and can drive the car – can’t wait until I’m eighteen and can vote – can’t wait until I’m 21 and can buy beer (legally for a change). Then you hit a “time neutral” zone. No more of the “can’t wait” attitude. You are OK with how time is passing.

The honeymoon comes to an end. Time passage starts to become an issue, but in reverse. You start the long slide into, “Oh my gosh; has it really been “X” years?” It starts at your tenth, high school reunion, your first encounter with that “GOSH; where did those ten years go?” A whole bunch of 10-year markers come along: 10the wedding anniversary – 10 years on the job – 10 years in your house or apartment. It’s like a swarm of mosquitos, biting you from all sides.

It ramps up: 20 years on the job – 25^th wedding anniversary – 30-year class reunion. It’s making you feel uneasy. This “Gosh I can’t believe it’s been that long” thing is out of control. It becomes a crisis when 50 enters the picture. First, with a shock, you turn FIFTY! Then, it’s your fiftieth class reunion, and you ask yourself, “Who are these people?” (These old people) Name tags are required reading for the first time. And, the lies come in handy too, “Oh, you look just like you did in high school. I’d recognize you in a second.” Lie, Lie! 

Now, you’re desperate to slow it down. Exactly opposite of when you were fifteen, wishing it would pass so you could drive a car. But, it’s too late. You get your wish from the past; time passes quickly. But, it doesn’t just fly, it bolts along at warp speed. Your first-born turns fifty! Your house turns fifty. Your clothes turn too: that sweater is 22, those shoes are 35, that favorite shirt is 15. When will it end? But, deep down, you know when it will end, and you finally put stock in the adage, “Live for today; it’s all you’ve got.” (Sorry. I’ll be more upbeat next week. I promise. I can’t wait till it gets here.)

Comments? Complaints? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com