February 15, 2017 Article

The Old Coot isn’t buying it.

By Merlin Lessler

Stuff you can’t buy. A single pair of ankle socks. Oh sure, a lot of stores sell the socks, but not by the pair. You are forced to buy six or eight or a dozen in most places. If you look hard, you might find a store that sells a three pack. An off-brand three-pack, where the heel disappears after three uses. Maybe you want a white pair, a gray pair and a black pair. You are forced to acquire at least nine pairs.

And that’s another thing. Color. I like more color than what’s available in our black, white & gray fashion world of today. Red, yellow, green, blue; that’s what I’m looking for. I have to go on-line to a site called “Joy of Socks” to get them. Guess what? They sell them by the pair. I like that, so I usually buy three or four. My decision, not theirs.

Socks aren’t the only problem. A lot of retailers try to load you up with more product than you want. Go to an office supply store for a small box of paper clips. You have to buy a dozen boxes. Old coots like me use 6.8 paper clips a year, on average (don’t believe me? look it up at Old-Coot-a-pedia). A small box is a lifetime supply. A dozen small boxes is something you have to take care of in your will.

                                  

How about grocery stores, the big chains? Buy one get one free (with their rewards card). The stores around here will let you buy one at the lower price, but many other places won’t give you the discount unless you buy two. Food stores aren’t the only ones that bundle discounts like this. A lot of other businesses do. You need a pair of dress shoes for a wedding? Something that happens to us old coots because we tossed out all those suits, ties and leather shoes when we retired. Thinking we’d never need them again. We forgot about the funerals we’d be attending and the next generation’s weddings. So, you go looking for a cheap pair of shoes to get you over the hump and are confronted with a 50% off sign on the rack. “Wow! I lucked out this time.” Then, you read the fine print, “50% off the second pair.” Shoes, suits, pants, a whole bunch of things you barely need one of, are often priced like this.

We grew up in a world where the customer made the choice, not the merchant. We grew up in a penny candy world and spent our childhood gazing into a candy case full of sugary delights and telling the patient clerk, “Give me a black licorice stick, no make that red, a couple pretzel rods, two bubble gums, a spearmint leaf, an orange slice, a bit-o-honey, a jaw breaker and two fire balls.” Interspaced with a couple of dozen, “Ums.” We walked out with a little brown bag chocked full of sugar treasures. As close to nirvana as a ten-year-old can get. We had choices. Now we don’t. And, I’m stuck with a drawer full of socks I don’t need.

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