December 14, 2016 Article

The Old Coot ain’t buying it.

By Merlin Lessler

There he is, big as life, Alex Trebek, on the TV screen pitching “senior” life insurance for Colonial Penn (cannot be turned down) Life Insurance Company. He’s there, because the advertising team thinks we’ll buy Alex’s line. After all, he’s the smartest man on TV; he knows the questions to all the answers on Jeopardy.

Next, up pops Fonzie (Henry Winkler), that loveable rascal from Happy Days. He’s pitching reverse mortgages. How can we not heed his promise of happiness as we go through our golden years flush with cash after signing up? He was always straight with Mrs. B, and with a snap of his fingers, he could fix anything.

This is how gullible the ad people think we are. Put a TV star in front of us and we’ll buy it. Unfortunately, all too often, we do just that. It’s the sheep gene that comes with being human. Old coots (myself included) have worked hard to flush out that part of our DNA; it takes years of hard work and many bruises along the way. Mostly to our egos. We withstand criticism for being skeptical old goats, and cheapskates too. The training began the day we figured out that Santa Claus was a scam, an ingenious behavior modification mechanism. Little by little we strengthened the muscles of our skepticism, growing from gullible to wise, at least when it comes to snake oil salesmen.

But, some of my compatriots never graduate from Old Coot University. They give a caller their electric bill account number, send a check to the IRS to avoid going to the slammer and a money order to a long-lost cousin who needs cash to get back home after being mugged. We learn to live by well-worn adages; they serve us well, those gems of wisdom from thousands of years of human experience that are so succinctly stated in just a few words: - “If it seems too good to be true it probably is.” That single piece of advice is enough to stifle Alex Trebek and Henry Winkler when thy come after your wallet. It might be wise to write it down and glue it to the corner of the TV screen, a “picture-in-picture” sort of thing, so when the Hollywood crowd (and politicians) start talking, you’ll remember to engage the skepticism neurons in your brain.

Here are a few other from my top 50 list of adages, most of which I learned to be true the hard way: There is no such thing as a free lunch -  If it ain’t broke don’t fix it - Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. - Don’t put all your eggs in one basket - Two wrongs don’t make a right -  People who live in glass houses should not throw stones - A stitch in time saves nine -  You can’t judge a book by its cover.

Here’s the start of a few others. I’m sure you can finish them. If not, you need to do more work.  The grass is always… Absence makes the heart……A chain is only as strong as…..There is no time like …..All good things must …..Actions speak louder than……Keep your friends close and your…..Hope for the best but…..The squeaky wheel gets…..

And of course, the most useful of all - Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. Too bad Fonzie and Trebek didn’t adopt that one.

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