The Old Coot doesn’t “fall” for it.
By Merlin Lessler
A regional hospital in our area, which shall remain nameless
(not to protect the innocent, but to protect this old coot who needs their
services all too often), is sponsoring a “fall” (as in people falling)
prevention program aimed at the elderly (my crowd). It’s a good thing; it
should help a lot of people and we need it. But, the ad writers went astray.
They tried to lure us in with a big fib. The come-on claims that falling isn’t
normal (if you’re an old guy stumbling around, you’re unusual; come in and get
yourself repaired.) What the ad writers don’t know, is that us old guys and
gals resent corporate jibe and slick advertisements that take liberties with
the truth. We watch this ad unfold in our living rooms and yell, “BOGUS!”
It IS normal for seniors to fall? Heck, it’s what we do best.
Our foot doesn’t come up as high as it once did when we take
a step. If the sidewalk has pushed up an inch at one end, or some small
obstruction is lying on a walking surface, our toe will make contact and put us
into a tumble. That’s not the only problem. We’re also distracted walkers. We
don’t look where we’re going; we’re ruminating in our heads: Did I turn off the
stove? - What time is my doctor’s appointment? - Is it today? – What is that
guy’s name, the one I just passed and said hello to? Then, we do a cartwheel
because our foot encounters the lifted edge of a slate sidewalk on Front
Street? (Talk about death traps)
We’re also not as limber as we used to be, but seem to
forget. We pull up our foot while standing to slip into our socks. It takes so
long for a leg that is limber-challenged to get up far enough to slip them on
that we often find ourselves on the floor looking at the ceiling, a sock
dangling half off our foot. We tottered for a second and then went down. I
timed myself; if I don’t get my foot in the sock in 4.2 seconds I’m going down.
I’m just thankful I haven’t cracked my head on the sharp corner of the dresser
yet. When old guys fall, or have a close call putting on socks or pants, we
resolve to sit down to do it the next time. And promptly forget.
Standing up too quick, starts another scary scenario for my
people. Our inner ear, where the balance mechanism resides, is sleepy. It’s
taking a nap most of the time and doesn’t wake up when we pop up out of a
chair. We stand; it rubs its’ eyes and looks around in a stupor and we reel,
then totter and guess what? Fall down.
I’m sending this article to the good people at the regional
hospital in hopes they will scold their ad writers and just tell the truth. It
is normal for seniors (what we used to call old people, which most of us prefer
by the way) to fall. Then more of us might do something about it. As it is now,
us old guys see the ad on TV and yell, “BOGUS!” And, figure they can’t help us;
they don’t even know we’re out here in great numbers falling all over the
place.
Two point eight million of us go to the emergency room to
seek treatment from injuries due to falls every year. Eight hundred thousand
end up being admitted and twenty seven thousand get to have a date put on their
tombstone. If the ad writers put that out there, the balance program would take
off like wild fire. I won’t be able to attend, not for a few weeks; I just took
another tumble putting on my socks. I’ve got to remember to sit.
Comments? Complaints? File them at mlessler7@gmail.com
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