June 25, 2014 Article

The Old Coot had a burger for breakfast.

By Merlin Lessler

I had a hamburger for breakfast today, a “John Dillinger” from the Calaboose Restaurant in Owego. I couldn’t finish it at dinner; it was too big, so I brought the remains home in a Styrofoam container, like old coots often do. I knew I wouldn’t be home for lunch, I’d be at a committee meeting of the Senior Citizen Foundation, to participate in the “granting” of tens of thousands of dollars to organizations in Tioga county that provide valuable assistance to well deserving senior citizens. It’s something they do every year. I never knew the foundation existed and now I’m lending a hand in the good work they do.

Since I’m a newcomer to the board, I knew it would make a bad impression if I brought half a hamburger to the meeting and ate it for lunch. So, I popped it in the oven and had it for breakfast. I finished it off with a piece of Nancy Ruiz’s birthday cake, that also was transported home from the Calaboose in a Styrofoam container. She turned 60, and like many newcomers to senior citizenland, she didn’t want a big to-do to mark the occasion. A small group of us gathered on the front porch of the restaurant for dinner to help her adjust to the milestone in a low-key way.

It was my first breakfast burger. It made me wonder why I’d waited so long to break the breakfast rules: Thou shall only consume eggs, cereal, toast, bagels, pancakes, waffles, ham, sausage, bacon and no other food products when thou break-thy-fast after a night of slumber! It was such a relief to be freed of the shackles that held me back for seven decades. It’s also the kind of thing I get into when I’m left unsupervised in the morning, which is often the case since I’m the only early riser in our household. The floodgates are open now; I see a breakfast future of burgers, pizza and hot dogs. Oh what a world awaits those who break free of the breakfast rules.

I guess I should have seen it coming; it was only last week when I sent three of my grandchildren off to school after a scrumptious breakfast of applesauce, pistachios and ramen noodle soup, but that was an act of desperation; there was no milk in the fridge. They seemed happy enough and I did my job; sent them to school on a full stomach. My subconscious must have kicked into gear, bringing me to my hamburger breakfast today.  We are such creatures of habit, seldom questioning the everyday stuff we do. No more! Have a burger for breakfast and enter a new world of freedom. It’s nice here!