May 28, 2014 Article

The Old Coot ponders the meaning of significant other.

By Merlin Lessler

She came up to our group at the party, and said, “This is Tom; my significant other!” We looked at each other in puzzlement. A look that said, “Significant other what?” It’s a term that was coined in 1953 by Harry Sullivan, a psychiatrist. He should be ashamed of himself, especially considering his profession, for unleashing a term on society that’s been driving us nuts ever since, well, some of us anyhow, well, me. “What?” I ask myself, “Does she mean?” Is he her boyfriend, her husband, the guy who fixes her car or takes care of her dog when she goes on vacation? Her lawyer? Her psychiatrist?”

Before significant other was imposed on our culture, we knew who we were being introduced to: friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, neighbor, cousin, fiancée or fiancé. I don’t like fiancée or fiancé very much either. I can never remember which is which, or how it’s pronounced, or spelled. Still, it’s better than its predecessor, betrothed. Introduce your fiancée as your betrothed sometime. You’ll get to watch eyes roll on that one. Some of my old coot cronies introduce their wives as their better halves. Others, the dumb ones, say, “This is my old lady,” or, “This is the old ball and chain.” Those guys better check to make sure the white powder she sprinkles on their waffles in the morning is powdered sugar, not rat poison.

But even ball & chain is better than significant other. At least we know what the (dumb) guy means. Not so with the person using the significant other term. It stops us in our tracks: boyfriend? husband? exactly how significant? Or, is it some guy you’re ga-ga over but aren’t sure if he’s really divorced? Some guy you’re dating but not sure if he likes you? Some guy who thinks you’re going to marry him, but you’re dumping him as soon as he finishes fixing your car? Don’t leave us guessing. Inquiring minds want to know.

If you insist on using the significant other term, be warned. Many of us will interpret it as a negative, and conclude you mean the jerk who you’ve been dating for 10 years that won’t make a commitment; he’s not ready to get engaged, nonetheless get married. You introduced him as your boyfriend for several years, but it eventually became embarrassing, so you switched to calling him your significant other. If you’re smart, you’ll just introduce him as your cousin.