The Old Coot rants at TV ads. Yet again!
By Merlin Lessler
I’m insulted! You should be too. At the pablum TV
advertisers try to feed us. The pumped up, and screaming car dealer decked out
in a $1,000 Armani suit, or the one taking the casual route in kakis and an
Arnold Palmer golf shirt, promising to knock $7,000 off the price of a truck
(down to $47,000) because he is over stocked and needs to cut down his
overhead. It must be true! Look at all the balloons and waving flags blanketing
the sales lot.
Then there’s the pest control, plumbing, or other “come to
your home” repairmen, portrayed on TV in crisp, perfectly ironed, pristine,
military styled outfits, shinned shoes and neatly trimmed hair, faces handsome
enough to grace the silver screen, promising to arrive on time and quickly
solve your problem. Good luck opening your door to anyone close to that image.
My favorite is the medical looking actor in a long white lab
coat. Sometimes with a stethoscope hanging from his neck, promising a cure for
a condition you didn’t even know existed:
neuro-lasitude, hippo-paino, or necka-achea. Just take his pill. Then,
with a pristine mountain stream as a backdrop, a seductive comforting voice
lists the potentially lethal side effects that he hopes will go in one of your
ears and out the other. Most of these aliments go away on their own, but in our
instant-gratification society, the pharmaceutical companies make a fortune
because of our impatience. We buy the stuff. And, sometimes sue, at the urging
of TV lawyers in three-piece suits, promising us millions.
How about the ads that beat back Mother Nature by using
specially formulated creams and oils that remove wrinkles, tighten neck waddle
and make age spots disappear? Or, the never-ending lineup of diet and fitness
breakthroughs, that without any effort or willpower, will make us trim, fit and
healthy in six short weeks.
Oh yes, they really shovel it on TV, these pablum pushers.
The parade of con men and snake oil salesmen and women that stalk us from the
other side of our TV screen is endless. And, we sit there in our adult high
chairs while they feed us pablum and bang our spoons on the tray for more.
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