By Merlin Lessler
My shoes don’t fit! Neither do my
socks! (This is one of those back to the good old days things; you
might want to get off the train before it pulls out of the station.)
Still there? Here we go! It’s not just me with a shoe and sock
problem. It’s not an old coot thing! It affects everybody. The
people who make shoes and socks are “close enough” people. Not
very precise. Kind of like the landlord that rented me an apartment
that didn’t have a sink in the bathroom. Something I failed to
notice when I did a walk-thru. When I complained, he said,” You can
lean over the tub to wash your hands and face. (It was “close
enough” to a real bathroom. It had a toilet, a tub, a medicine
cabinet and a light. What more could I want?)
Take the shoes; if your foot is 10.94
inches long, you’re in. A size 11 will fit perfectly. If your foot
is a 1/4 inch longer, you have to buy the next larger size, a 12.
And, walk around with your foot sliding back and forth. It’s even
worse if you have a narrow foot. They don’t make shoes for narrow
feet. Only wide, and extra wide. Us narrow feet people wobble side to
side in our shoes. It’s why we are so cranky – our foot bones
bend and twist all day in ways they were not designed to move.
You get the double whammy when your
feet are narrow and just long enough to push you into the next larger
size. They slop both side-to-side and front to back. It feels like
you’re doing the twist when you walk; your “dogs” really get
barking by the end of the day. Back in the good old days (here it
comes) you could select the proper width – from A to triple E (EEE
being the widest). And, you could pick a length that closely matched
your foot. You didn’t have to choose between two sizes, shoes came
in ½ sizes too. Not anymore. At least in any of the stores I’ve
been in. No half sizes; no narrow widths. And, to make it worse,
modern day shoelaces are made from a synthetic material that won’t
stay tied.
Then there’s the socks. Buy socks to
fit your feet? Not on your life. It’s sort of like a knit bag: slip
in your foot and hope for the best. It all started back in the 1960’s
when a cheapskate sock maker eliminated the toe and heel and came up
with tube socks. The rest of the knitters jumped on board and stopped
making socks that fit. Gold Toe, one of the major sock companies only
offers 2 sizes (for men) - Size 10 /13 (for shoe sizes 6 to 12) and
Size 13/15 (for shoe sizes 12 – 16). Socks are either too big and
wad up in your shoes or too tight and make your toes curl. You wonder
why you’re so grouchy. It’s your shoes and socks.
Hippies solved the problem in the late
1960’s; they went barefoot. But, all the stores and restaurants
retaliated; they put up signs that said, “No Shirt - No Shoes - No
Service!” The young people of today have started a second shoe/sock
revolt. They don’t wear shoes or socks, but they don’t go
barefoot; they wear flip-flops. No matter what the weather. No matter
what the occasion. Soon there will be new signs appearing in stores
and restaurants. “If you have flip-flops on your feet; keep walking
down the street!” Right next to the, “Old Coots not allowed”
sign.
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