February 5, 2014 Article

The Old Coot’s car is bossy!

By Merlin Lessler

It was one of those real cold days, minus five degrees I think. The computer that bosses me around in my car put a message on the little screen under the speedometer where it usually tells me how far I can go before I run out of gas. Apparently, I’m too stupid to check the gage so it does it for me. But not today. Today it told me to check the tire pressure. Oh sure, the coldest day of the year and it wants me to get out of the car, unscrew the little frozen caps on the valve stems, slip four quarters in the unreliable, often not working, air pump at the combination grocery store, restaurant, lottery ticket dispensing center, gas station and check the tire pressure. I did. It was the passenger side rear tire that was low. The last one I checked.

My fingers were as cold as they could get by then, so I said, “What the heck,” and pulled over to the pump and filled the tank. When I got back in the car and steered out of the gas station with numb fingers, the “check tire pressure” message was gone. The “miles you have before you run out of gas” message was back. It promised me 220 blissful miles. But, the tank was full; it should have said 330 miles to go. I guess the sub-zero temperature messed it up.

I drove fifty miles; the car now said I had 240 miles in the tank. “Wow!” I said aloud, talking to myself again. (I’m a good listener.) “It’s producing gas as I drive, not consuming it.” The GPS said I had 270 miles before I reached my destination. I guessed I’d have to get gas at some point, and wondered which computer to believe. Another 20 miles and the gas left made it to 260; the destination distance dropped to 250. Things were looking up. I now had enough gas to make it. But I stopped anyhow and added ten gallons. Just in case the car was messing with me.

 
I don’t like this, the car bossing me around. “Check the tire pressure!” – “Change the oil!” – “Get gas!” Last summer it wouldn’t let me turn on the air conditioning. The temperature sensor that lets me know how cold it is outside had a bad day. It was stuck on fifty degrees, even though it was a muggy, 85-degree day. The car won’t let the air conditioner come on when the outside temperature is that low. So I broiled inside until I could get Joe and Marty to put in a new sensor. Last year it was in a bad mood, because I didn’t change the oil when it wanted me to. It only allowed heat to blow on the passenger side of the car. It’s not just bossy; it’s moody too. But I’ll have to live with it. I can only long for the cars of yesteryear, back when we were the boss, not the car.