The Old Coot took the Camel Cigarette, 30 day test.
By Merlin Lessler
Take this pill! Sue the dirty bums! This is what our society
has come down to. If you judge it by the ads on TV. No matter what’s wrong with
you, there is a pill to fix it. No matter what happens to you, there is someone
to blame, and someone to sue. Let’s start with the pills. “Don’t pay any
attention to this list of side effects; the FDA made us reveal them.” That’s
what the pharmaceutical companies would say at the beginning of their spiel if
they were truly honest and forthright. Instead, they create an image so
appealing as to obscure any negative input. Celebrex, for example, shows an
attractive middle-aged woman, now freed of her arthritic pain, leisurely
swimming in warm tropical waters. She’s accompanied by a collection of happy
friends and beautiful golden retriever that gently paddles in and out of the
group.
The waves gently lap the shore while the announcer’s
melodious voice, quietly suggests that taking the medicine may increase your
chances of a heart attack or a stroke and lead to death. Or, stomach and other
intestinal problems, such as bleeding ulcers, which may appear without warning
and also lead to death. What the FDA should do, is make them show images of
people experiencing the side effects instead of swimming around in paradise.
Maybe then, we’d pay attention to just how risky these miracle cures really
are.
But we don’t pay attention to the side effects. They hardly
register. And, that’s OK, because the law firms that feed on our missteps, the
ones who dominate our TV screens, are there to make sure we get retribution.
They’re on our side! And, if you can
believe the Syracuse lawyer whose face graces my TV more than any other, he
will “leave no stone unturned” to get you money. He doesn’t mention the side
effects of this service. A fee that will probably net him more money than
you.
And to think I thought the Camel Cigarette ads I grew up
with in the 1950’s were unscrupulous, the ones in which they invited smokers to
take a “30 day Camel” test. “Smoke camels for 30 days and discover for yourself
what throat specialists discovered; not one single case of throat irritation in
a coast-to-coast test of hundreds of people. I accepted their invitation; I
bought a pack of Camels. And, even though I was only nine years old, I was
smart enough to quit after one day. Besides, if I got caught my mother would
have killed me. There’s no pill for that!
Complaints? Comments? Leave at mlessler7@gmail.com
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