Article published October 2, 2013 (#-521)

The Old Coot solves a “big” problem.

By Merlin Lessler

I’ve given this a lot of thought – this national obesity epidemic we are grappling with. I’ve seen the ads on TV: for diet pills, meal plans, exercise plans, tonics and any number of miracle cures. I watched Oprah lose (and regain) fifty pounds at least a half a dozen times. She couldn’t do it and she had a personal trainer, a dietician, a chef and a billon dollar bankroll. Even lap band and stomach stapling surgeries don’t necessarily have a long-term effect.

But the answer, the solution, is as plain as the nose on your face; in fact, it is the nose on your face. Shut it down and you are on a path to a smaller you. We learned this as kids and then forgot it. We held our nose when we were made to eat something we didn’t like: spinach, asparagus, liver, lima beans. (Sorry, I got carried away with my own list.) Anyhow, we held our nose and hardly tasted it.

It works for food you don’t like; it works for food you do like: Snicker’s bars, Oreos, Whitman samplers, strawberry shortcake. (Sorry, I got carried away with my own list again.) Hold your nose; lose weight! It’s that simple. Try it! Get something you really like, hold your nose and eat it. Not quite as good is it? It’s because 75% of taste comes from your sense of smell, your nose. The tongue can only distinguish between sweet, salty, sour, bitter and something called umami. 

Now, on to my old coot diet. I call it the clothespin diet. Use a clothespin to lose weight! No painful exercise routines, no harmful pills, no will power, no counting calories. Just a cheap bag of plastic clothes pins, preferably in assorted designer colors that match the clothes in your closet. Clip one on before a meal or wear it all day long. Nothing will taste quite so good. Pretty soon you will eat because you’re hungry, not because it tastes good. The pounds will simply slide off your frame. Having a bad day? Unpin your nose and go on a taste binge. Then, put the clothespin back into service and you’re back on track again. What could be simpler?