September 11, 2013 Article

The Old Coot hits it right on the button!

By Merlin Lessler

We’re a “button-fussy” society. If you don’t button your shirt correctly, you’re in trouble! It’s a misdemeanor, maybe a felony, to walk around in a misbuttoned shirt. Alignment is important! “Oh my gosh! Your buttons are one off! Your shirt is on a slant!” It freaks people out. Personally, I love seeing someone in a misbuttoned shirt. It makes them more human. It brings a smile to my face. I never bring it to their attention.

I’m not sure what sets people off when they spot a misbuttoned shirt, the lack of symmetry maybe? We like things to be symmetrical, like our faces - 2 ears, 2 eyes, nose in the middle, mouth directly below. It sets the standard for how we view the world. Put an extra eye in the middle of the forehead and we go nuts. The Tucker Automobile Company made this mistake back in the 1940’s; they put a third headlight in the middle of the front hood. Even though their car was more advanced than any automobile on the market, the company went defunct in a few short years. Mismanagement? Or, was it that third “eye” in the middle of the hood? The Tucker was a misbuttoned shirt.

It’s also not acceptable to skip a button. You’ll hear about it as you go through the day. “You missed a button there,” someone (many someones) will say, and then point to the place of the infraction. It makes us uncomfortable. As do shirt collars. Have one pointing up and one pointing down and you’ll get scolded. Sometimes people can’t help themselves, they reach over and fold down the offending appendage. “There you go. Your collar was up on this side!” You can have two up or two down but not one of each.

Small boys and old coots are exempt from the “button-fussy” rules. (We’re one in the same if you really think about it). Neither of us cares if our shirt is misbuttoned. Or, if we’re wearing two different socks, two different shoes or even if our pants are on backwards.

 The next time you see someone with a misaligned, misbuttoned shirt or with a button or two that is not fastened, use your willpower; try not to give into the temptation to point out the mistake. Just hand them a dollar bill and say, “Thanks! You made my day!” You’ll spend the rest of your day with a big smile on your face.