August 7, 2013 Article

The Old Coot has it both ways.

By Merlin Lessler

“Your idea, my fellow senator, is well thought out and breaks new ground. That being said. Are you nuts?” You hear arguments that include that being said (or the alternate version – having said that) all the time. Especially from politicians, media pundits, college professors and pseudo intellectuals. It’s the go-to conversational crutch.

When you hear it, you should understand that the speaker doesn’t believe what he just said. It’s a smoke screen (a lie) and after he says, that being said, he reveals what he really believes. It’s a mechanism used by people who want it both ways. They want to be seen in a positive light; they don’t want to be seen as closed-minded. (Which they are.)

Old coots, after they finally wise up, use this technique. It keeps us out of trouble. “Maam, your child is perky and beautiful, that being said, would you get the little brat to sit still and shut up! – or – “The chef did a wonderful job putting my hamburger on the bun and he topped it with lettuce, tomato and onion like I requested, that being said, take it back and have the idiot cook the other side.”

“That being said,” makes us seem like intellectuals instead of grouchy old coots. I could get into a squabble if I confronted a negligent dog walker, complaining about the decoration his dog left on my front lawn. But, not if I use the, that being said, technique. I compliment him on having a dog with a well functioning digestive system, throw in a, that being said, phrase and lodge my complaint. He doesn’t know how to react, “Did that old guy just compliment my dog or did he insult me?” Leave em wondering; that’s my motto.

I’ve joined the ranks of the high brows at the universities, the pundits who argue about public policy on TV, the politicians who try to please everyone (but are really just interested in their reelection). And, the corporate spokespeople who feed us pabulum, like when the CBS network trots out a “victim of the week” and says, “CBS cares!” They care all right; they care about their ratings and their ad revenue. That being said. I love their Sunday morning show!