March 6, 2013 Article

The Old Coot is a smart dresser?

By Merlin Lessler

 

Which sock do you put on first? The right or the left? I bet you don’t know, not for sure. It’s one of those things you do without thinking; your subconscious takes charge. Even if you try to figure it out the next time you get dressed, you still won’t know, because you’ll be thinking about it.  You won’t find out what your body does until you’re an old coot. 

 

Old coots know which sock they put on first. For me, it’s the right one. It’s the easiest. I hop on my left foot and pull it on. I can’t do that with my left sock. When I hop on my right foot I lose my balance and topple over. I try it every once in a while, but the minute I pick up my foot I tilt out of control and head for the floor. I’d make a lousy stork!

 

So, I’ve adapted. I hop on my left foot and put on my right sock. Then I put my left foot up on a chair or the bed and pull on the sock. Eventually, I won’t even be able to do that. I’ll sit on the floor and get dressed like a toddler.

 

Some people don’t put on both socks at the same time. They put on a sock and a shoe, and then the other sock and shoe. Archie Bunker and his son in law Michael had a big fight about this on an “All in the Family” episode. Archie insisted the right way was to put on a sock and a sock, then a shoe and a shoe. Michael was of the sock and a shoe, sock and a shoe persuasion. So, Archie called him a Meathead!

 

This sock business is important, at least to us old coots. It’s a critical part of our day. It’s not as easy as it once was, back when we didn’t give it a thought. Especially, on a day when our back is acting up. If we drop a sock on the floor, we’re in big trouble. We can’t bend over and pick it up or slip it on like regular people. We have to get a coat hanger and either pick it up, or try to nudge it on to our foot. That’s why you see us going around every once in a while wearing a single sock. It means we gave up trying to get it off the floor or got distracted and forgot to put it on. Sometimes, we go around with our pants on backwards. It happens on a bad back day too, when getting dressed properly is beyond our capability. A day we don’t discover the error with the pants until after we’ve put on our shoes. An old coot is never going to take his shoes off and put them on again just because his pants are on backwards!

 

So, I ask you, once again. “Which sock do you put on first?” If you don’t know the answer, consider yourself lucky. If you do know the answer, well, you’re an old coot like me!