The Old Coot made a split decision.
By Merlin Lessler
I’ve been, or it seems like it, a Siamese twin for
the last dozen years or so – one-twin that
grew into adulthood and old age, constantly saying, “I used to …..” or “I once could
do…” and the like. The other one, trying to look ahead, not back. I’m in a struggle
to separate the two. It’s a tricky process because we are joined at the head.
It’s pulling away from those old brain cells from the past and moving to a new
beginning. I should have done this ten years ago, but I’m a late bloomer.
I’m just starting
to get used to the separation. I limit my looking back, to the day I turned
80. Not much going on since then to
reminisce about with longing. A clean slate. I walk; I swim; I bike, do push-ups;
wash the car and putter around in the yard. No real changes in my 80’s. Oh
sure, I have a few ailments and physical limitations to put up with, but not
bad, when I don’t compare myself to the memories now in the hands of my
separated twin.
Life is happier when you get rid of a “I used to”
focus. Sure, a few brain cells from my twin cling to me, but for the most part,
they are fuzzy, weak and fading. It took all these years to learn to live in
the “here and now.” My coffee-buddies in both New York and Florida are younger
than me, except for 100 year-old Lester. Some, by a few years, others younger
than three of my oldest daughters. This kind of daily interaction helps a lot.
My memory lane trips still come out on their own, but
only when I take pen (or keyboard) in hand. It’s not a conscious thing. It just
happens. When I look at the output, I’m always surprised. It might come from my
twin, but seems more likely to be produced by the subconscious in a process
similar to the one that produces dreams. So, you still have to put up with the
Old Coot. Sorry.
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