The Old Coot skips the little white lies. Published on June 11, 2025 in NY

 The Old Coot is honest.

By Merlin Lessler

There is an old saying, “Honesty is the best policy.” It’s true, but only to a point. I wouldn’t advise taking it above an 80% level. Save that 20% so you can appear civilized, using those falsehoods we call little white lies. Like when your spouse asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Answer: “You look wonderful in that dress.” Or, “Honey, would you like to go to the car show with me?” Answer: I’d love too, but I have a terrible headache.”

Normal people set aside “Honesty is the best policy” in those tricky situations. But not us old coots. That’s when we adopt the policy, 100%. There is  only a small chance we’ll get our face slapped or a black eye. “Only a cad would hit an old man,” is what we count on. Don’t ask us question, unless you are prepared for the straight truth in all its ugliness. Even if you don’t ask, we still might give you information about yourself you didn’t want to hear.

We do it to each other all the time; it keeps us razor sharp. If you eavesdrop on our conversation, say in a coffee shop, you’ll get an earful of honesty. – “Your shirt is on backwards you big dummy.  Did mommy let you dress yourself this morning?” – “Your lost glasses are on the top of your head; are you so numb up there you can’t feel it?” – “You need to fix that breath of yours; are you using a garlic clove for a breath mint?” – “You’ve got your wife’s blouse on!” – “You knucklehead, you have two different shoes on!”

Of course, we never tell each other. “You forgot to zip up.” We’ll let you wander around in public like that. Same thing, when a long string of toilet paper is stuck to your shoe as you prance around without a care in the world. Oh yes! Honesty is the best policy, especially when you are an old coot and are no longer required to tell those little white lies.