The
Old Coot is a smart buyer.
By
Merlin Lessler
The
buying techniques of men and women are very different! There, I’ve stepped into
the abyss again, trying to explain another difference between men and women. In
the 1950’s, pundits called it the battle of the sexes, in the 1970’s and 80’s
we tried to blur the lines, to claim there weren’t any differences. Then, the
truth was trotted back out and we learned that men are from Mars and women are
from Venus. So, I guess it’s safe for an old coot to make social commentary on
the differences in the buying habits of men and women.
I
don’t know much about the specifics of women’s shopping habits to tell the
truth. I know it’s a continuous process that involves discounts, coupons and
comparison-shopping. And, is never consummated until the price of an item is at
the lowest point possible. The husband never learns how much something cost, only
how much money was saved. It’s a technique that’s been perfected by women.
Men
go a different route. They bring in poor “Uncle Fred,” their ace in the hole
when they purchase an expensive item they have no right to buy without a family
conference. Most boats are bought this way. “Honey, now before you get mad, I
didn’t buy the 26 foot cabin cruiser by myself; Uncle Fred went in on it with
me!” What can she say? Uncle Fred is her favorite uncle. And to cinch the deal,
the husband says, “I’m naming the boat after you!” The same thing happens with
motor homes, cottages and hunting camps. They are always bought with Uncle Fred
and named after their wives.
She’s
never told that poor Uncle Fred was bullied into the joint purchase; he only
gave in when his share was negotiated down to 1%. Men never buy expensive items
(cars excluded) without a partner. If it isn’t Uncle Fred, it’s Jim-next-door.
Jim-next-door is brought in on things that can be shared: a pool table, a 55
inch TV for the man cave in the garage, a lawn tractor, chain saw – anything
that’s somewhat extravagant and seldom used. “I don’t know why you’re upset
with the (log splitter, 40 foot ladder, lawn roller, you fill in the blank), I
bought it with Jim-next-door.”
The
final straw in men’s buying techniques, is the schmooze that comes at the end
of the purchase discussion. After the wife asks, “If Uncle Fred and
Jim-next-door are in on all these purchases, why is everything in our garage?”
Now comes the schmooze, at least when dealing with an Alpha Male purchaser,
“Because their wives aren’t as hip as you, dear!”
.
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