Old coot takes a dive.
By Merlin Lessler
(I wrote this article 20 years
ago. The other day, my cousin, Pat Martin, sent me a framed copy of this, her
“favorite” Old Coot article. I decided it was time to give it another airing.)
We closed our pool this week.
The water temperature slipped below 70 and was headed downhill fast. My wife
stops going in when it drops to 80; my limit is 72. Our son will swim when it's
in the 60's. If his pals are around, he’ll even go in when it’s in the 50’s. I
miss the pool already. It’s kind of a magic device that tells you things about
people. Their approach to the water reveals a lot about their personality. It
will even tell you what they do for a living, if you know the code.
For instance, some people dive
right in. They don't test the water; they don't ask, "How is it?"
They walk to the edge, lean over and take the plunge. This group is primarily
made up of cops, firemen and nurses. Doctors don't make the cut; they can't get
in without asking questions about the temperature, the chemical composition,
the depth, the texture of the bottom, etc.
People who dive in, but then
break the surface with a loud scream are in sales. They have to let everyone
know how it felt; they can’t help themselves.
Some people ask a lot of
questions about the temperature before they go in: "Is it cold? Do you get
used to it? Does it feel OK after you've been in awhile?" They can't go in
until they know exactly how they might react to it. People in this group are
teachers, lawyers and bank loan officers.
Another personality group enters
the water in a calculated and conservative manner. They start by sticking in a
toe, and then the foot. Eventually they bend over and get their hands wet and
carefully splash water on their bodies. When they’ve completed their “bird
bath” they’re ready to take the plunge. This group finds work as engineers or
librarians, unless they go through the process with their backs to the water or
with their eyes closed. Then you can find them working in administrative jobs:
in schools, government bureaucracies or with accounting firms.
People who manage to keep their
hair dry when they swim are in a special category altogether. They are the
titans of business, the corporate “front office” crowd. They get wet but strive
to maintain a businesslike image. Dry, combed and styled hair is their
substitute for the business suit.
People who stick in a toe, wave
to everyone and then go back and sit in a lounge chair make up the last group
that I’ve been able to identify. When they get home, they tell everyone how
great the water was, what fun. These people run the government; they're the
politicians.
It’s sad to acknowledge that the
pool season is over. I won’t be able to finish my analysis of pool
personalities. Oh well, maybe next year.
Ps. In case you’re wondering how
old coots enter a swimming pool, we hop right in, no matter the temperature, in
fact the colder the water the better. It’s not because we’re fearless or brave;
it’s because we love the rush our systems get from the shock of lowering our
body temperature so fast. It speeds up the flow of blood to our entire body. We
feel like teenagers, if only for a minute. It’s a nice trip down memory lane.
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