The Old Coot knows how to wait.
By Merlin Lessler
Here I go again. Providing
unwanted advice in yet another attempt to help “Men From Mars” get along with “Women
From Venus.” This time it’s for men who are “fast leavers” married to women who
are “slow leavers.” It goes something like this. He asks, “Ready to go?” (To
the store, across country, across the street. It doesn’t matter.) She replies, “I’ll be right there.” Off he
goes, gets in the car and watches for her to come out the door.
Two minutes go by. Then five.
He starts getting antsy, “What the heck is keeping her?” Another five minutes
tick off the watch on his wrist. He starts to boil. He gets out of the car and
goes to the door. Here she comes, two bags in hand. One, to drop off at her
mother’s, the other to be donated to the Mission. “You don’t mind do you?” she
asks, as the car bolts out of the driveway and nearly hits a woman walking down
the sidewalk.
“What took you so long?” he asks,
gritting his teeth to help keep his temper under control. The reply is a long
one, “Oh, I had to take a load of clothes out of the dryer and fold them so
they wouldn’t get wrinkled. Then I noticed the mirror in the bathroom was all
spotty from when you washed your hands, so I wiped it off. The dishes in the
sink looked messy so I rinsed them and stacked them up to dry, in case someone
came in and saw them. All legitimate things. “BUT,” he groans, “You said you
were ready to go!” She says, “I was! (almost).”
It doesn’t matter where you
are going; the scenario is always the same. The problem is created by the
“slow-leaver” but the solution lies with the “fast-leaver.” Even a rat in a
maize eventually learns how to navigate the obstacles between itself and happiness.
But not the men, fidgeting and fuming, while waiting in the driveway, outside
the door of an antique shop or on a bench in the mall. Always surprised she’s
not there, like she said she would be. He believes her when she says, “Just a
sec!” Even though it’s never just a sec. He’s one rat that doesn’t find his way
to the cheese.
Here comes the good part.
Advice from an old coot who learned this Mars versus Venus thing a long time
ago. (Waiting impatiently for years!)
But, no more; the path through the maize is simple. It’s called, “Facing
reality. You are going to wait! Longer than you think! So, figure out how to
spend that interval between your slow-leaver saying, “I’ll just be a sec,” and
the time it actually takes her to get there.
Use your phone; call a friend
you haven’t spoken to in years, check the weather or use the camera to take
pictures of unenlightened men, waiting for their wives on a bench with a scowl
on their face and steam coming out their ears. It could go viral, even funnier
than the images of Wal-Mart shoppers that circulate on the Internet. Carry a man-bag.
Fill it with a book, a crossword puzzle, a nail clipper. Whatever! When the “slow-leaver”
shows up, you can say, “I’ll just be a sec.”
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