The Old Coot tells all! Article #1042, published August 23, 2023

 The Old Coot tells all.

By Merlin Lessler

 The topic of conversation the other morning at the Owego Kitchen was air-conditioners.” Rick, from Catatonk, (we have three Ricks in the group, Cornell Rick, Catatonk Rick and Wood Floor Rick), commented on how he maneuvers a heavy air conditioner from a storage closet to the window. He lifts it, just barely these days, puts it on his office chair, wheels it to the living room and slides it into the open window. I asked him if he ever shoved it in too far and sent it sailing like I once did. He said he hadn’t, not this one; there is a shelf outside the window to hold it up.

 But he went on, he did do it with another air conditioner. It not only fell to the ground; it ripped the cord out of the socket and ripped the socket out of the wall. I asked if it tripped the breaker and left the house in the dark. He ignored the question, probably thinking he’d already said too much. We have long memories of each other’s mishaps and never fail to bring them up. Usually as a deflection, when we find ourself in the hot seat.  

 I’ve confessed some of my goofs over the years, like the time I was on the porch roof hosing down the clapboard siding before painting it. I yanked the hose as I moved along the wall, and pulled too hard at one point. It tipped the ladder over, stranding me on the roof. My wife wasn’t home to help me out of the predicament, so I there and waited for someone to come by and notice me. It was a long 45 minutes. Finally, my neighbor Damen strolled down the street on his way home from downtown and noticed my dilemma. It took a while before he stopped laughing and set the ladder back up.   

 Then, there was my garbage can, acrobatic act. I’d climbed on top of the can to squash the overflowing trash so the lid would close. I went sailing, giving my tail bone a bruising and causing the disc between L-4 and L-5 to exit stage left. Back surgery a month later fixed that problem, but not my chagrin at being so stupid. At least a ladder wasn’t involved that time.

 Matt, a coffee stop regular, had an air-conditioning story too, about what happens when your house has the best air-conditioning in a neighborhood of new houses going up. But he gave me a look, that said, “Don’t you dare reveal it in an article, or use my name.” So I won’t. For now!

 Comments? Complaints? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com