The Old Coot tells all! Article #1042, published August 23, 2023

 The Old Coot tells all.

By Merlin Lessler

 The topic of conversation the other morning at the Owego Kitchen was air-conditioners.” Rick, from Catatonk, (we have three Ricks in the group, Cornell Rick, Catatonk Rick and Wood Floor Rick), commented on how he maneuvers a heavy air conditioner from a storage closet to the window. He lifts it, just barely these days, puts it on his office chair, wheels it to the living room and slides it into the open window. I asked him if he ever shoved it in too far and sent it sailing like I once did. He said he hadn’t, not this one; there is a shelf outside the window to hold it up.

 But he went on, he did do it with another air conditioner. It not only fell to the ground; it ripped the cord out of the socket and ripped the socket out of the wall. I asked if it tripped the breaker and left the house in the dark. He ignored the question, probably thinking he’d already said too much. We have long memories of each other’s mishaps and never fail to bring them up. Usually as a deflection, when we find ourself in the hot seat.  

 I’ve confessed some of my goofs over the years, like the time I was on the porch roof hosing down the clapboard siding before painting it. I yanked the hose as I moved along the wall, and pulled too hard at one point. It tipped the ladder over, stranding me on the roof. My wife wasn’t home to help me out of the predicament, so I there and waited for someone to come by and notice me. It was a long 45 minutes. Finally, my neighbor Damen strolled down the street on his way home from downtown and noticed my dilemma. It took a while before he stopped laughing and set the ladder back up.   

 Then, there was my garbage can, acrobatic act. I’d climbed on top of the can to squash the overflowing trash so the lid would close. I went sailing, giving my tail bone a bruising and causing the disc between L-4 and L-5 to exit stage left. Back surgery a month later fixed that problem, but not my chagrin at being so stupid. At least a ladder wasn’t involved that time.

 Matt, a coffee stop regular, had an air-conditioning story too, about what happens when your house has the best air-conditioning in a neighborhood of new houses going up. But he gave me a look, that said, “Don’t you dare reveal it in an article, or use my name.” So I won’t. For now!

 Comments? Complaints? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com

Why did the Old Coot cross the street? Article published in New York 08/16/2023

 Why did the Old Coot cross the street?

By Merlin Lessler

 Here we go again. DOT is inundating our village with a plethora of pedestrian crossing signals. Most likely this is happening across the state and the country, since it is a federal safety edict. It just proves how stupid they think we are. Too stupid to know enough to look both ways before crossing a street! Something kids from my day, and well beyond, learned to do before they were five. We did! We walked to school, crossing several intersections on our way, starting in kindergarten. And, we were far from child prodigies!

 The nanny state we suffer under, also urges us not to J-walk. “Always cross at the corner!” And now, more and more, at a corner with a button to push and a control box loaded with artificial intelligence, telling us when to cross. Often, with a robotic voice saying, “Wait, Wait, Wait, “until the go signal comes on.

 I find the whole thing insulting, and dangerous! If you cross at a corner, press the “I’m too stupid to know when to cross” button and think it’s safe to go when the light comes on. You’re not; you are more likely to get run over than if you crossed in the middle of the block and looked both ways; Jay-Walked! It’s that “right on red” rule that will get you run down. Especially now, when many drivers forget the “after stopping” part of the rule. The driver turning right on red is looking to the left; as soon as it’s free of traffic, off he goes, right into a pedestrian coming from the right. He never looks in that direction! The poor pedestrian thinks it’s safe to cross, the traffic signal told him so.

 We need to teach DRIVERS to look both ways! Not just the pedestrians. Then it might be safe to cross at the corner. In the meantime, middle of the block is safest. Right on red & cell phones are a deadly combination for us poor pedestrians. The question isn’t, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” It’s “How on earth did the chicken make it to the other side?”

 Comments? Complaints? Sent to mlessler7@gmail.com

No surveys for the old coot. Published August 9,2023

 The Old Coot won’t answer.

By Merlin Lessler

 The constant need for corporations and merchants to beg us to, "Like Me,” is beyond a simple annoyance. You can't buy a product or engage a service without getting a request to respond to a survey. Again, and again if you don't comply right away. "Like Me, Like Me, Nourish My Insecurity," is what it says to me. Driven by corporate executives at the highest levels who don't really know how to run their companies, so they use their customers to do that for them. And, to punish employees for the bad policies created at the top that cause poor marks on customer surveys. Employee raises, performance appraisals and bonuses are determined by survey data. Companies aren't run with knowledge and experience of upper management. Nor with input from front line employes. Companies are run by data, not a passion to provide the best product or service. Companies, the big ones anyway, are focused on short term financial results, which often leads to long term decline in customer satisfaction. And eventually to long term financial loss.

 As soon as I get bugged by a business, begging to be told how they did, I lower my satisfaction level of their product or service. The company would be much better run if the management team took the time to actually be a customer on a regular basis. Then, they would know how to configure the delivery of their product or service. It would be especially enlightening if they called their customer service phone lines and experienced the endless queues and dreadful music, as they wait like we do, to finally talk to a person! They could do their own survey and leave us alone.

Old Coot says men have changed. Article # 1039 (08/02/2023)

 The Old Coot spots a change.

By Merlin Lessler

 I’ve been noticing this for a while – men crying on TV. I don’t know how or when it started, but I’m seeing it more and more. If it’s on a “talk” show, the male guest is telling a sad story (a sob story) and breaks out in tears. The audience and the host, break out in applause.

 You see it all the time; a sportscaster’s interview with a player who just won a tough fought match starts tearing up. More and more, men are coming out of the “men don’t cry” closet.

 It’s probably a good thing, keeping emotions bottled up can lead to bad outcomes. It’s definitely a transition in societal behavior. And, it doesn’t seem to necessarily relate to a sad event. Wonderful happenings can also lead to a teary outcome.

 I’m not sure I’m all in. I’d like to be, but that “Be a Man” and “Real Men Don’t Cry” ethic has a strong hold on many of us older dudes. I do find myself dipping a toe in the teary pool, moving in the direction toward the “real men do cry” behavior.

 My only point in all this? Public displays of male tears are on the rise. My job is to notice, even the obvious. It just takes me a while to become aware of the change.

 Comments? Complaints? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com