Old Coot's have a fashion. Tioga County Courier Article 12/22/21

 

The Old Coot dress code.

By Merlin Lessler

 When I was younger, in my twenties, old men didn’t wear the hip clothes that I did: bell bottom pants, leisure suits, khakis, rugby shirts and the like. They wore ironed shirts, cardigan sweaters, pants buckled at rib cage level, high water pants and spit-shined leather shoes. Old coots today don’t parade around in a distinct “old man” fashion style. Most of us anyhow. We dress like normal people, more or less. But if you pay attention to the details, you will notice subtle differences.

 Take our shirts for example; we wear long sleeve shirts: summer, winter, spring & fall. Every season finds us in long-sleeves. If you see an old guy in short sleeves, he either hasn’t made it to full membership in the old coot club, or he still retains a fully functioning circulation system; he’s a showoff!  The reason for long sleeves is obvious in cold weather; they help keep us warm. But the same is true in hot summer weather. The air conditioning thermostats in stores and restaurants are set so low that an old guy in a short-sleeve shirt will shiver violently, so much so that the flapping sound of his flabby arm skin will make a racket. In reality, a long sleeve shirt is also a short sleeve shirt; just roll up the sleeves. When we go back outside, we roll them down. 

 Ironically, the opposite strategy comes into play with pants. Old coots avoid long pants as long as the weather will allow. Long pants are too hard to get into, even when we sit down to put them on. We opt for cargo shorts with plenty of pockets. They’re easy to slip on and those pockets come in handy to hold the junk we think we cannot be without: handkerchiefs, reading glasses, medical supplies, jackknives, ID cards and directions to get home in case we forget. We make up for the shortness of the pants on cold days by pulling up a pair of elongated tube socks, unless we are already wearing knee-high, compression stockings. If it gets too warm, we roll them down. Isn’t that a pretty sight?

 We usually wear a hat, but most young guys do as well, so a hat doesn’t necessarily signify, “old coot.” Hats are great for hiding bald domes, but more important for us, they keep us warm.  As you know, 50% of the heat we lose, radiates out of our heads. It’s a scientific fact; I know it’s true; I looked it up on the Internet using the phone in my cargo pant’s pocket!

 Comments? Send to mlessler7@gmail.com