The
Old Coot is a flake! A snow flake.
By
Merlin Lessler
I
gave myself a treat the other morning at Dunkin Donut’s; I ordered a jelly
donut with my coffee. It’s something I’d like to do every day but would look
like a blimp if I did. It takes all my willpower, but I space out my jelly
donut binges.
Anyhow,
this particular jelly donut was covered with a layer of powdered sugar. Some
Dunkin Donut Shops use granular sugar or go light on the powder, but this place
marches their jelly donuts through a blizzard of sugar. I sat at a table, took
the snowball out of the bag and carefully placed it on a napkin. Sugar flakes
flew into the air; I was surrounded as though in a Nor’easter snowstorm. I
could barely see across the room. Ever bite sent a new snow squall into the
atmosphere. The napkin, the table, my pants & shirt, the seat and the floor
were speckled in a layer of snowflakes. I looked like Pig-Pen, the character in
Peanuts who lives in a cloud of dust. Anyone seeing me would be tempted to ask
the manager, “Why do you allow a slob like that in this place?”
It
doesn’t bother me, those dirty looks from strangers. I deserve the “Pig-Pen” comparison:
I look as unkempt as he does, and even worse. I look like a one year old when I
get up from the table. One that grabbed a spoon out of his mother’s hand and
sprayed pablum all over himself and his surroundings. Most people come out of a
restaurant carrying their leftovers in a doggy bag. Not me! I don’t need the
bag. I transport my leftovers on my shirt, pants and shoes. I’m saving the eco
system from Styrofoam pollution.
I’m
not sure exactly when I became a food & drink slob. I know there was a time
when I looked presentable in public. But for years now, I’ve sported coffee,
mustard, spaghetti sauce, ketchup and wine stains on my clothes. I sloshed so
much coffee on myself, that for a while I wore beige to hide the stains. I gave
that up and now face the world just as I am – a shirt stained old coot who is
well along the return trip to babyhood – It’s where I started and it’s where I’ll
end up. It’s just taken me a lifetime to make the round trip.
Comments, complaints? – Send to mlessler7@gmail.com
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