The Old Coot Checks again and again. (July 31, 2019 Article)

The Old Coot checks again and again.

By Merlin Lessler

Six months or so ago I wrote about the check lists that old coots use before leaving the house: are your shirt buttons in the right holes? -  is your sweater on the right way, or backwards? – remember not to yell Ouch and Oops in public – did you take your pills? - pat your pockets to be sure you have the keys, phone and wallet. Those sorts of things. I’ve since discovered a need for another checklist, one to cover myself when I’m out and about. It started when I took the train from Virginia to Florida. I was in such a hurry to get off, I didn’t make sure I had everything I boarded with. As a result, I lost my back-up cell phone. I filed a claim with AMTRAK and then tracked the phone’s movement on a computer.  It headed north and traveled all through the night, getting back to Virginia at 9am the following morning. So, I knew it was on the train and no one had found it. Then it headed back to Florida, but the battery died and that was the last I heard of it. AMTRAK never found it.

Then it happened again, but this time it was my primary phone that got lost, at one of those fancy, modern movie theatres where you plunk yourself down in a luxurious, reclining chair with a food and beverage tray attached at the side. The space between the rows of seats is so wide you don’t have to get up to let others pass by to their seats. Admission was $15, which is why it was my first experience in a modern movie theatre, being the cheapskate that I am.

The seat was comfortable and the light level so low I had trouble staying awake. I didn’t want to sleep through my $15 investment; I strived to remain conscious. It didn’t work, but my wife, Marcia, saved the day; she gave me the elbow every time I started snoring. When the movie ended, we got up and walked out of the theatre and down a long corridor to the building’s exit. I fumbled in my pocket for the car keys and discovered I didn’t have my cell phone. Did I bring it with me? Of course I did, it was on my “leaving the house” checklist. I hustled back to theatre #8 to retrieve it from the seat. The cleaning crew had already gone through that section and claimed they hadn’t seen a cell phone. I checked anyhow, and there it was, out of sight, wedged deep down between the seat and the arm rest. A light went off in my head, “I need an “out & about” checklist!”

When I get up to leave a restaurant, movie theatre, park bench, emergency room lobby, police station and the like, I go through the list:  keys, wallet, phone, etc. Now, if I could just figure out where I put the list; I thought it was right here in my pocket.

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