January 16, 2019 Article

The Old Coot is overcome.

By Merlin Lessler

Here we go again, fighting against human nature. We do it all the time. We do it with legislation. We do it with school rules, company rules and organization rules. We do it with politically correct speech. Make one misstep and the speech police pounce on you like vultures on a fresh carcass. It’s fun to watch these efforts, gives old coots like me a chuckle. We need chuckles, so it serves us well.

My latest chuckle came when I changed the kitchen garbage bag the other day. I pulled a new one out of the box and was immediately engulfed in an aromatic storm that transported me to a magical garden of lavender & sweet vanilla. It was a heady experience. I looked at the box and discovered the aroma was a “Patented odor neutralizer – a combination of Arm & Hammer odor control + Hefty strength.”

The Hefty people found a way to make garbage smell delightful, working against human nature, against hundreds of thousands of years of evolution that taught our brains to react to bad odors: rotten food, dead creatures and other dangerous materials. That “bad odor” reaction protected us from illness and disease. Not anymore! Now, the rotten smell has been replaced with the wonderful scent of lavender and sweet vanilla, at least in my kitchen. Take the garbage out when it gets ripe? Not on your life, the bad smell signal doesn’t make it to my brain. I feel more like doing a series of ballet leaps across the kitchen flour, so rich is the permeating blend of lavender and vanilla.

I feel sorry for the racoons, mice, skunks and other critters that have taken turns feasting at the garbage can on our back porch or the one securely sheltered in the garage. Now, there is nothing to draw them to the leftovers. The scent of lavender and sweet vanilla offers no lure to nourishment.

I had another point to make; I’m sure it was a good one, but I’m overcome with the heady scent from our trash bag. It washed away my line of thought. The assault on human nature has won another victory.  

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