The
Old Coot spots the goobers.
By
merlin lessler
I
swear there is a troupe of goobers who roam across the country from one
disaster to another: a flood, hurricane, tornado or earthquake. That sort of
thing. When the national media moves onto the scene, the goobers do too. Male
goobers, are costumed in plaid flannel shirts, bib overalls, wide brimmed hats
and dirty work boots. Women, are enclosed in well worn, stained “house” dresses
from the fifties, stretched out cardigans, stockings rolled down and folded over
white crews socks that rise from a pair of bunny slippers. Dentures are discretely
removed when TV news reporters holding microphones, approach with a cameramen trailing
alongside. The media seek out these “local” characters, to add color for their national
audience. The interviews follow the same script, no matter where, or what the
situation. The reporter asks for a reaction to the disaster and the goober
says, “I lived here my whole life and ain’t never seen nothing like this! The
actual residents see this on TV and groan, “Oh great! Doesn’t that make our
community look pathetic.”
Another,
but elite set of goobers also move into town. This crowd takes center stage, the
“official” response to the disaster, a carefully orchestrated news conference.
The most interesting performance from this elite group happens when local police
agencies share the stage with the FBI, who are hell bent to hog the limelight.
The news conference starts with a Governor who follows a standard script. “We are going to pull out all stops to fix
this mess (natural disaster), or to get the perpetrator (major crime situation)
and will prosecute to the fullest extent of the law!” This is followed by several
statements about the wonderful cooperation of all the agencies involved. We know
they have no love for each other and that it kills the local guys to be lined
up with the county, state and federal law officials, yet they all bite their
tongues and follow the script. The regional FBI chief is introduced. He (it
usually is a he) says the exact same thing the governor did. Then, a US Senator
takes the podium, to repeat yet again, what’s already been said and then introduces
the lesser politicians, right down to the local mayor, all the while keeping a
firm grip on the microphone. That done, the governor grabs the mic and offers
to take questions from the reporters.
.
You
never hear the questions at these events. The governor stands mute, listening,
but no sound comes out of your TV; the reporters aren’t wired for sound. It
doesn’t matter; the governor never answers the question anyhow, but simply hands
the mic to the FBI chief who says he can’t respond because the situation is
under investigation or it would be a violation of the privacy regulations.
Every question generates the same response. Eventually the reporters give up
and the local police chief takes the mic to conclude the news conference. He
says there will be an update at four o’clock. The news reporters scatter and invade
the local diners to get “facts” from the residents and from the traveling
goobers. Rumors are passed along as fact, but the media teams don’t care; they
have a deadline to meet. The lack of accuracy is covered up by attributing the
“facts” to anonymous sources that have asked not to be identified. A few days
later the goobers and the reporters leave town; then the local people go about
the business of cleaning up the mess.
Comments?
Complaints? E-mail to mlessler7@gmail.com
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