October 1, 2014 Article

The Old Coot looks for a bargain.

By Merlin Lessler

“50% OFF!” That’s the sign that lures you in. If you’re like me, and don’t pay attention to the details, you don’t discover that it’s 50% off the 2^nd item, until the clerk at the register rings you up and you’ve scolded them for over charging you. “This leather jacket is on sale,” you say, with an indignant look on your face. “The sign says 50% off!” Then you learn the truth.

50% off the second item is a good deal if you’re buying bananas, Moose Tracks ice cream or Snicker’s bars. Something you can use more than one of. But those 50% off (the second item) sales are often things you don’t really want two of.

Then there’s the, “Huge Sale! Up to 70% Off!” sales. That “up to” gets me every time. I know the item I want, having learned the hard way, will never be 70% off. It’s not an item with the highly prized green sticker; it’s the one, the only one, with the yellow, 10% sticker.

How about, “50% Off the Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price!” If those signs were honest, they would continue on, and admit that nobody (not them anyhow) ever charged the manufacturer’s suggested retail price. The whole thing is a long running joke between the manufacturer and the retailer, “We’ll put a ridiculous price on the article and you can be the hero and slash the price.

They do that with automobiles too. I hear the reason GM came out of bankruptcy so quick, following the recession of 2008, wasn’t because of the government bail out; it was because some guy in Utah bought a Buick and paid the sticker price!

Besides, everybody knows, cars are cheaper when the sales lot is blanketed with balloons and flags. Or, the cars are moved to an off-site location, like the mall or the fair grounds. At least that’s what the dealers would have us believe. And we do!

We love a bargain. Especially us old coots. So, we fall for the “sales” pitch, no matter how far fetched: Going out of Business! – Inventory Reduction! - Moving Sale! (Even though the place going out of business does so three times a year, the inventory reduction is immediately replenished with the exact same inventory, and the business that runs the moving sale never moves. My favorite is a sale sign that says, “Open Under New Management!” That’s what they do to get back the customers they’ve been rude to, bilked or never returned their phone calls.)