Car horns are lacking.

I need a user friendly car horn.

I was driving down the street minding my own business the other day, well, that's not exactly true; I never mind my own business, but anyhow, I was tooling along when I saw two neighbors, Jean and Dee Dee, walking their dog. They waved and I blew the horn. But the horn didn't make a sound. I didn't push it hard enough. I tried again, but nothing happened. Then it finally worked, half a block away where a young woman was pushing a baby carriage. She gave me a dirty look and hustled up the street to get away from the "jerk" blowing his horn at her. This happens to me all the time. The horns on today's cars are dangerous and rude.

I guess it's because the button sits on top of the airbag. When you want to push the horn you have to shove the whole airbag mechanism to make contact with the horn circuit. You can't give it a gentle tap. You can’t toot a friendly hello; you have to slam your hand down and blast the horn. It’s why we have road rage in this country. It's not due to stress in people's lives; it's due to the crappy horns that the automakers install on our vehicles. Blaring horns make people mad.

They don't have road rage in Europe; they don't have it in the Caribbean. I've never been to Europe, but I've been to several of the Caribbean Islands and I can attest to the lack of road rage there. They have good horns on their cars, the kind that can give a friendly toot, and they use them all the time. All it takes is one cab ride to get the picture. The driver toots as he pulls out - toots as he approaches another car - toots when he turns - waves and toots when he asks to be let in at a busy corner. The horn is a friendly device in the Caribbean. It's the same way in Europe. They wear out their horns; we wear out our brakes.

I'm thinking of installing an auxiliary horn on my car. I'll put the button on the dash, next to the radio. I'm good at finding the volume knob while I'm driving. I crank it up when a Ricky Nelson song comes on. I shouldn't have any problem finding a horn button mounted right next to it. Then I'll be a friendly “Caribbean” driver, not a rude American. I'll be out there tooting to my friends, giving old fogies a gentle reminder that it's OK to go right on red. I did this to my father's car when I was a teenager, except I put the button under the dash so he wouldn't notice it, and mounted a giant truck horn in the engine compartment. I used it to scare people, in the true spirit of a teenage idiot. The horn became history the day I blew it while my father had his head under the hood. I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to see if the old man could dance. He could. He waltzed me out of the car and stood watch while I dismantled the modification to his prized Edsel.