The Old Coot buys his bike back. December 23, 2020 Tioga County Courier Article

 

The Old Coot buys and sells and buys.

By Merlin Lessler

 Last year it was golf clubs; this year it’s a bicycle. I bought a new set of clubs at Dicks and donated the old ones to the Open Door Mission so they could sell them in their outlet store. One round of golf convinced me I’d made a mistake. Dicks generously took the clubs back and I went to the Open Door store and bought back my old clubs. All, but one. Someone had purchased it; the club is 30 years old. They will find that out, the first time they pull it out of their bag and step to the tee and are greeted by a loud roar of laughter from the other golfers.   

 That was then; this is now, the year I bought back my bike. I sold it to my friend John, of Ormond Beach, Florida, because of an affliction I came down with that I thought was permanent and progressive (Charcot Tooth Marie Disease). It caused the muscles in my arms and legs to drastically lose strength. But, after several months of intense medical investigation it was determined that the condition was actually caused by the statin drug (cholesterol medicine) I’d been taking for several years. A few doses of steroids and several months of recovery started me back on track. In time, I should make it to full strength (old coot strength that is, nothing to brag about).

 I texted John to see if he would be interested in selling the bicycle back to me. His response was, “Sure!” I had a caveat; I needed to see if I could get on it. It’s a “boys” bike and old coots like me have a hard time swinging our leg up and over the bar. It’s why we generally buy step through bikes or girl’s bikes.

 He texted back, saying he wasn’t home at the moment, but we could set up a time to get together, he’d even pump up the tires. I replied, “I ’ll look at my busy schedule and get back to you. I looked; it took less than a second and texted him, “My schedule looks good for this afternoon and all day, every day for the next four months.”

 He replied, “NOW, THAT SHOULD GO IN ONE OF YOUR ARTICLES.” So here it is. An admission that I have nothing on my schedule for the next four months, unless you count an eleven AM, a four PM and an after supper nap every day. Hey, it’s tough being an old coot.    

 Comments? Complaints? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com  

The Old Coot points out the terlit crisis. A Tioga County Courier Article of 12/16/20

 

The Old Coot Can’t Find a Terlit!

By Merlin Lessler

 This is a subject that nobody talks about. Yet, it’s a serious problem, has been for decades. We’ve got a “terlit” crisis on our hands, at least that’s how they say it in Brooklyn. In the rest of the country, it’s called a rest room crisis.  There aren’t any! At least when you need one. Public rest rooms are scarcer than proverbial hen’s teeth. Our government has turned its’ back on the issue. They’ve thrown us a few bones, there are rest rooms along interstate highways and sometimes we are allowed to use the facilities in municipal buildings, provided we get there on Monday through Friday between nine and five, it isn’t a public holiday, we are wearing a mask and we can make it through the security checkpoint with a nail clipper (or some other deadly weapon) in our pocket. But, for the most part, our elected officials have ignored the “terlit” crisis.   

 Actually, they haven’t just ignored it; they’ve exacerbated it. They’ve made nature’s call a crime. If there aren’t public “facilities” around and you get caught with your pants down behind a bush, you will be arrested. We’ve just finished an election cycle and not a single candidate mentioned the terlit crisis. Politicians have strapped us in our cars, taken cell phones out of our hands, defaced all the products we buy with warning labels and are forcing our favorite restaurants to prepare food in politically correct cooking oil, but they stick their heads in the sand when we ask them, “Can I use the terlit please?” Candidates are promising all kinds of new programs: free health care, $5,000 savings bonds for new babies, 401-K accounts but not one word about what we’re supposed to do when we’ve had three cups of coffee and are looking for a public rest room. “Go find a gas station,” they tell us. 

 We’re lucky; there is a public rest room in our village (it’s in the same building as the Tioga Visitor center, on Front Street). The town also provides rest rooms, those are at Hickories Park. I walk there quite often; it’s a busy place. A lot of walkers, runners, skaters, bikers, sled riders, x-country skiers, picknickers and kids go there. Even in the winter! I thought we had a Terlit crisis this fall. The rest rooms were locked, and all the port-o-johns were removed. The whole place became a rest room; find your favorite bush.

 But I was wrong. I called Town Supervisor, Don Castellucci, to complain, my favorite pastime. He thanked me for the heads up and said he’d check into it and fix it. HE DID. The bathroom on the hill in the main campground is heated and open, though the road to it is closed. But, so what; we’re there to get exercise. They also plan to install a port-a john on the other side of the creek, in the vicinity of the dog park. All they need to do, is add a message to the bathroom closed signs, that says the one on the hill is open. As for the rest of the country, maybe some entrepreneur will come along and figure out that there is money to be made, and a lot of it, by simply opening a chain of public Terlits, like the ones in many European countries. I hope so. I hate to keep asking, “Where’s the Terlit!”

 Comments, complaints? Send to – mlessler7@gmail.com

Old Coot needs a break ! December 9,2020 Tioga County NY Courier Article

 

The Old Coot wants a day off!

By Merlin Lessler

 One day a week! One day without any COVID-19 news. Is that too much to ask? Nothing in the newspaper, not a word on the radio and especially nothing on TV! I know the news media has to focus on tragedy; that is news; it’s our fault, our human nature; we can’t help but rubberneck as we pass by an auto accident, a house fire, a mob of protesters. If media only covered good news they would go out of business. But, one day free of Corona Virus hysteria wouldn’t hurt readership, wouldn’t hurt TV and radio ratings.

 Do we really need a daily tally of deaths? New cases? Overcrowded hospitals? No! No! No! We need a day off. And, not just old coots like me. Everyone needs a break. The virus has hurt us, the media is finishing us off with their overkill.   

 They once kept us focused on ongoing tragic events by marking the number of days.  “Day 128 of the hostage situation in Iraq,” – “Day 6 of wild fires in California.” It’s day 277 of the pandemic in the USA as I write this, but marking the day isn’t on the media agenda; daily hysteria is.  They’ve been effective in making us afraid of many things, even the weather, even normal weather like cold spells in winter, hot spells in summer, wind, rain and thunderstorms. They’re now feasting on the Corona Virus.  

 We don’t need the hype; we need a mild-mannered spokesperson like Smokey the Bear used to be when he said, “Only you can prevent forest fires.” That was before they ramped up his message and changed forest fire to WILD FIRE! The Corona the Bear version could avoid the hype and simply say, ‘Only you can prevent the spread of the Corona Virus; please wear a mask.” That would work for me. Especially, if the media gave us a day off.

 Comments? Complaints? Send to - mlessler7@gmail.com

The Old Coot solves the Zoom problem. Tioga County Courier, NY, December 2, 2020 Article

 

The Old Coot knows when to speak.

By Merlin Lessler

 I’ve been involved in a bunch of “Zoom” sessions this year. A pandemic phenomenon for many of us. It’s usually a mess. Everyone talks at once, stopping when they realize they don’t have the floor, then starting up again. And again. This start-stop, multi-talker process reminds me of when I was in kindergarten, before we learned to raise our hand when we wanted to say something. And, then waited for the teacher to give us the go-ahead. It took that whole first year for Mrs. Shopper (in my case) to keep us from blurting out something whenever we felt like it. Ah, Mrs. Shopper! Do we ever forget that first teacher, that 2^nd mother figure in our lives?

 Anyhow, that early childhood training would serve us well in a “Zoom” session. We need someone to be “Mrs. Shopper” and the rest of us to be the kids in kindergarten. To learn to raise our hands when we want to speak. It will take some getting used to; we are an impatient lot; we don’t like to wait. For anything! But, if we don’t, these virtual meetings will continue to be a disaster. 

 Us old coot are trainable. We had to wait for everything growing up. We learned patience. We grew up in an era when the adage, “Children should be seen but not heard,” was in play. Even at home, we had to wait before blurting out what was pushing our buttons. We even had to wait to make a phone call. Not, because someone in the family was using the phone, because someone in another household was using their phone, and shared a telephone circuit with us. Two, three or more, families sharing the same party line. A private line was expensive, which is why most families were on a party line.  

 When you picked up the phone to make a call on a multi-party line, it made a click sound that the person using the line could hear. If you “clicked” enough times, the person “hogging” the circuit might say, “Good bye,” and hang up. Not always. Sometimes, you had to claim you had an emergency and needed the line. Telephone wars were not uncommon. The best tactic was to leave your phone off the hook so your party-line family couldn’t make a call. If you picked up the phone very carefully it wouldn’t produce a click. Then, you could listen in on their conversation. A popular pastime in those days. That’s what a Zoom session is, a bunch of people sharing a party line.  So, raise your hand, or click in and your Zoom session will go much smoother.

 Comments? Complaints? Send to  - mlessler7@gmail.com